


The Printer Is Jammed

by startrekto221B



Series: The Printer Is Jammed [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Customer Service & Tech Support, E-mail, Epistolary, Eventual Romance, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Internet, John is a writer, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Comedy, Unilock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-03-09 12:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 40,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3250403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekto221B/pseuds/startrekto221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is a disgruntled customer who just wants his money back for a shoddy printer Harry ordered for him off of a catalogue. Sherlock is a bored customer service rep working the summer he has off from Oxford. They are both about to get more than they bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [La impresora está atascada](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4227582) by [MyLittleSecret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyLittleSecret/pseuds/MyLittleSecret)



**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** productsupport@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

So I usually don’t do things like this but seriously this is the worst printer I’ve ever used. It’s constantly getting jammed. The USB cable doesn’t fit. It needs new ink every 3 prints. Half the time when I want colour it gives me black and white and basically I’d like a refund.

Order # 4950439

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

It was slightly redundant to restate the subject in the first sentence of the message. Other than that I would be happy to help you resolve your problem. Have you tried turning it on and off again? I’ve been told that works.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

What the hell? I didn’t want to talk to a customer service rep. I just want my money back for this bloody printer. And it wasn’t redundant. The customer is always right. Isn’t that a thing?

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

The address you initially contacted is for servicing questions. The customer cannot always be right. In fact the customer is usually an idiot, as I have learned through fielding useless questions such as but not limited to:

\--Where is the ‘on’ button?

\--Why don’t I hear noise when I press ‘mute’?

\--Why is my microwave not more transparent?

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

Alright so those were pretty stupid questions. But you’re getting paid for this. There are worse jobs. Anyway since you seem pretty bored anyway could you look into getting me my money back for this printer?

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

I graduated from Oxford and I’m working the summer here. There are not worse jobs. Though I wouldn’t expect you to appreciate this. Given as you are someone that shops from the Coltech catalogue. Seriously. Only a moron would buy these ludicrous things. Did you know we sell a Hawaiian themed three-slice toaster?  

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

You’re an absolute prick. You don’t know anything about me. For your information the printer was a gift from my sister. I’m trying to be a writer.

How have you not been fired with this attitude?

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

I know you’re a war veteran. 30-34. Recently returned from either Afghanistan or Iraq. Probably discharged honorably after being shot. Not that many close friends/family relations. Struggle to pay the rent. Strong moral compass. Incredibly persistent.  

My brother’s management. I can’t be fired.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

That was amazing.

***

 **From:**  holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:**  RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE:  This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

That's not what people usually say. 

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:**  holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:**  RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

What do they usually say?

***

 **From:**  holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:**  RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE:  This is the worst printer I have ever purchased

**Message:**

Piss off.

-Customer Service Rep #221


	2. Chapter 2

**From:** productsupport@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Customer Service Evaluation Form

**Message:**

Greetings Valued Customer!

You’ve recently been in contact with one of Coltech’s customer service support staff. Please tell us how we’re doing, and how we may better help you resolve your problems in the future.

Please click the link to fill out our survey! Your input matters.

_Coltech Corporation_

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** FW: Customer Feedback

**Message:**

…really? Prince of printers? My boss saw this and now I’m handling that entire department…dear god.

-Customer Service Rep #221

\---Original Message---

Survey Results- Customer Query: “Printer Malfunction”. Status: Unresolved.

(Out of 5)

 _Knowledge of Product_ \- 5

 _Response Time_ \- 5

 _Appropriate Departmental Redirects_ -5

 _Overall Service Quality_ -5

_Other Comments You Would Like To Share With Coltech:_

I have never, ever, in my entire life been so blown away by a man’s knowledge of printers and all electrically operated machines in general. This is THE man to call in a jam. He knows the ins and out of the ink business. His genial manner and willingness to help knows no parallel. This man is Coltech’s most valuable asset. He is the Titan of Toasters. The Prince of Printers. The Overlord of Ovens.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: FW: Customer Feedback

**Message:**

I was counting on it. Now you’re definitely in a position to get me a refund. You can thank me later.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: FW: Customer Feedback

**Message:**

I underestimated you. That was a good move for a guy who’s also bought a lava lamp and a set of electric ‘Write-At-Nite’ pens from us. That’s right I can see your consumer history.

But good god I hate this job. Everything is tedious. Right anyway. I spoke to an idiot over in our shipping and handling department. You can take it back to one of our shipment centers. They’ll probably pay you back. Show them a copy of this email.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: FW: Customer Feedback

**Message:**

Harry must have charged it from my account. I’m not the lava lamp type of bloke. I’ll admit I use the ‘Write-At-Nite’ pens. Dead useful to jot down a quick idea in the middle of the night. Of course it all looks like garbage in the morning.

But how are you able to see my consumer history? I never okay-ed that.

I drove down to the place like you said. Gate bloke looked at me like I had two heads. You owe me gasoline money. And an hour of my time. Dropped the printer on my foot carrying it back to the car. My toes have been numb for the past hour. Thanks a lot. Prick.

If you’re so clever that you were able to know all that about me just from my emails, why do you work answering emails about toasters? It’s obvious that you hate it.

I don’t even know why I’m still typing this. I don’t even know you. Writer’s block makes a person do crazy things.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: FW: Customer Feedback

**Message:**

What are you even writing? You realize the statistical probability of actually getting published and being able to make a living off of your work is so low you’d be better off standing with a pail in the middle of the street and hoping bills rain down from the heavens.

You probably okay-ed it when you checked the terms & conditions when you made your Coltech Valued Customer Account. No one actually reads that.  

I need the cash. Though I’m honestly considering returning to my old job. About equal brain work but the pay was better. If I read anything else about printer models I may commit murder.

I called in to the place and they don’t recall anyone having come to the gate. Near the same address they have a chemical treatment plant. Colman Laboratories. No connection. Your fault. Your toes are on your own conscience.  

-Customer Service Rep #221

*******

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FW: Customer Feedback

**Message:**

I’ve had short stories published before. I’m going for a novel. I mostly write realistic fiction. Romantic plotlines. Can’t seem to find the right inspiration. It would help to toss ideas around if I could print things out. If only I had a working printer…

What was your old job? Professional annoyance? You could have warned me about the lab thing. I’m sure it’s a common mistake. Any other reputable company would have picked up the great useless thing from my flat.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

You got randomly picked in a customer drawing in our current database of unresolved queries for our monthly grand prize.

Guess what it is? Another one of our quality printers. They’re shipping it to you free of charge.

You can try and guess my old job if you like. Nothing to do with my actual chemistry degree of course.

Your logic is flawed. Any other _reputable_ company might have. We’re Coltech. We market such breakthroughs as the ‘Rotating Spaghetti Fork’.

You should write detective stories. That’s what people like to read nowadays. Not realistic romantic crap.

-Customer Service Rep #221

*******

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

I can’t believe this. Now I’ll fucking have two.

Let me guess. Summers off from uni. Some sort of restaurant thing?

I’m not sure I could pull off a detective story. I’ve always thought those were a bit far-fetched.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

I waited tables only once. It was a disaster. Apparently pointing out to the customers that everything on the menu exceeds the daily recommended caloric intake four times over is not an approved practice. Never again. Next.  

Far-fetched? More far fetched than the usual trilogy: Boy Meets Girl, Boy Leaves Girl, Boy Shags Girl? Please.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

Yeah I don’t think most restaurants want you doing that.

Romance isn’t all bad. You seem to have read some at least. Caught you there.

Um. Were you some sort of clerk?

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

Nope. Get more creative. Being a clerk would be more of a bore than even this job. And this one is slowly killing me.

I was bored when I read the one romantic book. Used it as kindling afterward.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

Everyone secretly enjoys romance to some extent.

Were you a trapeze artist?

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I’m actually laughing

**Message:**

Everyone is boring. Romance is trite.

Not a trapeze artist.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

Racecar driver? Gardener? I give up. Just tell me.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

For an author you’re not that imaginative. I was quite a successful underwear model.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

Oh my god. You’re joking. You were not. Prove it.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

_ Employment Roster (2013-2014) _

Click the link. There’s an S. Holmes on this list. You probably don’t wear these. Actually I’m sure you don’t. But if you’ve ever seen the Armani-Nylon-Medium packaging out shopping or something. That is actually me. You can google it if you like.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

Wow you are actually legitimate. Those things don’t show your face. I’m not googling a picture of your…

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

You already have googled it. I can access your internet history. That’s a lot of porn for one evening. You’re badly in need of a girlfriend.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

How the hell are you doing this? Is that even legal? I don’t actually watch that much compared to the average British male.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

It’s not legal and I’m not doing it. I actually can’t believe you fell for that trick.  

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

You are such a prick.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: This is driving me crazy

**Message:**

You say that so often you should print it out. Oh wait…

-Customer Service Rep #221


	3. Chapter 3

**From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Item Recall Notice

**Message:**

We’re discontinuing the ‘Write-At-Nite’ pens. Want to bulk order some? Price was slashed. I’ll get some referral points, maybe help me transfer into management—where I’ll sit behind a bigger desk, work on a bigger computer and deal with bigger idiots. Ah the glorious chain of business command.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Item Recall Notice

**Message:**

You just used that as an excuse to send another email. Nicely done.

I won’t order any pens until I have something to write. As I threw my last manuscript in the garbage disposal and hate every idea I come up with that won’t be necessary for a while.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Item Recall Notice

**Message:**

Fine yes. I had to. My brain cells were slowly dying. You’re not as unbearably stupid as the rest.

Try the detective story.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Item Recall Notice

**Message:**

“not as unbearably stupid as the rest” –I’ve never been so flattered.

Easier said than done. I can’t just pull a mystery plot out of my arse.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Item Recall Notice

**Message:**

Oh don’t be offended. Nearly everyone’s an idiot. In fact I would say a good 99.99999…% of the total world population.

I still don’t think it’d be that hard to write a detective story. Obvious really. Unusual crime. Compelling protagonist. Buildup of suspense. Incorrect trails. The hunt. Minor detail or clue that leads to the perpetrator. Resolution. It’s formulaic at best. Even you could manage that.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Item Recall Notice

**Message:**

If it’s so easy I’d like to see you try it.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

The crime: four serial suicides (via pill), and then a note, a woman all in pink claws the word _Rache_ into the floor of the building where she is found dead.

The problem: How the hell can suicides be serial?

The compelling protagonist: a genius, a ‘consulting’ detective, capable of making brilliant deductions at the crime scene

If it sounds at all promising to you I mapped it out more concretely in the attached documents. Maybe I should give this writing thing a shot. Though to be fair, I’m generally quite good at almost anything I choose to work on.

_Documents attached: Plot_summary.doc (18 KB); Deduction_sequence.doc (22 KB)_

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

This is brilliant. How did you just come up with this?

One thing though. This detective. He’s not very relatable. I’m going to give him a partner. Someone who contrasts him a bit. Any good novel needs a strong central relationship.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

It sort of just came to me as I was sorting through some shipment errors on our animatronic chipmunk series. It’s a surprisingly popular product. The faces are honestly quite scary though. Small wonder my mind was on murder. Yet then again it usually is.

You can add in a sidekick if you wish. I just hope to god you don’t make this a love story.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

Your mind is usually on murder? Dear god when my parents warned me about creepy strangers on the internet they were talking about you. And look what I’m still doing…

Partner not sidekick. I’ll make him an everyman sort of guy. They can share a flat in London. No love story. They’ll just be friends.

I’m brainstorming a few title ideas. This could be really great.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

You would have your mind on murder too if your entire workplace was filled with products from the catalogue. Just imagine. An entire cafeteria composed entirely of our appliances.  My mouse is decorated like an actual mouse and squeaks when I right-click.

Establish from the get-go that they’re not an item or your eventual avid readers (I’m being ridiculously optimistic here) will go for that pairing right away. Have the genius one say he’s ‘married to his work’ when the sidekick brings up relationships. That should do it.

I’m taking next week off. So I won’t be manning the service desk (thank god) but I also won’t be checking this email account.

-Customer Service Rep #221

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

This is a bit forward. But do you have like a personal email account?

I’m thinking of calling it ‘A Study in Suicides’.

***

 **From:** holmess@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I can’t believe I’m helping you with your stupid writing problem. Perhaps I’ve gone insane. That would be terribly inconvenient. I don’t think my health plan through Coltech covers it…

**Message:**

holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

Make it ‘A Study in Pink’.

-Customer Service Rep #221


	4. Chapter 4

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I’m not actually an internet psychopath

**Message:**

So this is a bit strange for me. And I thought I’d just tell you I don’t usually make acquaintances through customer service problems. But moving on.

The story’s going nicely. Though this detective character is something of an enigma. Perhaps that’s part of his ‘sell’ as a character? That and his many neuroses…

Why are you taking a week off? Given that you clearly love your work at Coltech?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I’m not actually an internet psychopath

**Message:**

I wouldn’t honestly mind if you were an internet psychopath. That would actually be quite fascinating. As to not meeting people this way, I tend to tire of people in general, so I’m not a fan of what you might consider the ‘regular’ way.

He’s not an enigma. It only appears so because his motivations are logical rather than emotional. Whereas you, and most readers, would operate on the opposite premise. What neuroses have you given him? If you want to give him some more depth I would have you make him a violinist. There is a reasonably strong association between analytical and musical genius.

As much as I really do see a future for myself in cataloguing I’ve taken the week off to interview for some positions in my actual field. 

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I’m not actually an internet psychopath

**Message:**

You don’t meet people the regular way? Then how do you go about it?

Logic over emotion? You’re making him out to be a Vulcan. Which is perhaps a more apt metaphor than I’ve been able to engineer thus far. But even people like him have some sort of emotional center. Everyone does. Logic can often be a sort of defense mechanism at times for feelings. That kind of rigidity and indifference only really comes about as a result of certain psychiatric conditions. Which I’m not sure our detective actually has. If you can’t tell, I took a few psych. courses at uni, and like to talk as if I’m Freud.

Do you play violin?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I’m not actually an internet psychopath

**Message:**

I don’t meet people. Period. They’re tedious.

What’s a Vulcan? We sell some Vulcan-themed things in the catalogue. If I remember correctly there’s a few alarm-enabled coffee mugs, pointy earphones. Some sort of science-fiction race, I gather? I don’t think the analogy is necessary apt. Why would a person that’s different necessarily have to be compared to an alien? I thought you romantic authors had some sort of deal with preserving a character’s humanity? That being said, don’t make him out to be some swoon worthy Mr. Darcy. Or it’s all a waste.

He could be a sociopath. A high functioning one. But true sociopaths are quite rare. He probably has an emotional center of some sort. But you shouldn’t let it take precedence over the plot. This isn’t after all, a love story.

I play.  

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I have an interview

**Message:**

Seeing as you seem to be pretty good at fitting into society’s idea of normal. Either because you are or because you’ve molded into that preconceived notion over time, I was wondering if you could give me some suggestions for this interview. In the past I’ve closed the many doors Oxford opened for me by being, well myself, and as I dearly wish a reprieve from Coltech, I somewhat care to make sure that doesn’t occur again.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I have an interview

**Message:**

I’m not sure if I should be offended that you think I’m ‘normal’. But I’ve done my share of interviews so I might as well help you out. Despite the fact that I still have two malfunctioning printers. Ahem.

John Watson’s Tips for Appearing Boring/Normal

1.Don’t ‘deduce’ your interviewer.

Don’t take this the wrong way, since I thought this was quite impressive when you did it, but the sad truth is that most people would be offended.

2.Make small talk

Right so, this is just your general talk about current events, the interviewer’s job at the place, goings about town. Try to stay away from topics such as but not limited to: murder, suicide, violent crime of any sort really, the fact that you think everyone’s an idiot. Keep it light. Non-controversial.

3.Smiling/Laughing

Doing this usually shows that you’re comfortable with the other person. Try it out. Not too much though. Or that’ll just come off as creepy.

4.The common enemy technique

It’s a lot easier to make someone like you if you find something you both hate and can rant about it. Common likes are a lot harder to come by. And knowing you, even though I don’t really know you, I don’t think you’ll have very many.

A Vulcan is a race from Star Trek. They weren’t really your typical aliens. And Spock, who was the main Vulcan one, was actually half-human, the play between his emotional and rational side was quite nicely developed. I might go for a similar sort of arc in our mystery. But yes, yes, I won’t make it into a romance. Don’t yell at me through the screen.

How good are you at the violin? I played the clarinet at school. It isn’t like that is it? Why does our detective play the violin? What does it do for him?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I have an interview

**Message:**

The violin helps him clear his mind. I’m not sure I could tell you how ‘good’ I am. It really isn’t about that I don’t think. I compose.

Don’t be offended. You might not be. In fact, given the way you were able to break down the normal patterns of interaction, you probably aren’t. I’ve been told this kind of thing comes naturally to true boring people. So on balance you’re only marginally boring. Take that how you will.

I tried those all out. It’s really difficult holding back a deduction. You wouldn’t quite understand. Hmm. What’s something you could relate too? Oh yes, just imagine really having to piss and having to hold it in. Around that level of discomfort I think.

I may have overdone it though. I think I’ll get the job, but two of the interview panelists slipped me their numbers as I was leaving. I don’t think this is typical interview protocol?

Spock? His name was Spock?

Anyways. I’ll be back to work soon. Joy.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I have an interview

**Message:**

Only marginally boring? Not enormously? Now I’m definitely offended.

Spock is a weird name? Your name is Sherlock. Next issue.

Congratulations on your interview. Sorry you had to hold it in. I don’t think you overdid it. Since you also worked as an underwear model at some point even a base level of sociability would probably get you lots of attention. People do tend to be pretty shallow.

I’m getting the sense you’re basing this detective somewhat on yourself? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. But tell me, where does he come from? Family life? Are his parents geniuses too?  It would help me a lot with his character.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: I have an interview

**Message:**

They’re not geniuses. The mother, Lily, worked part time as an accountant. The father, Siger, was a factory manager. He went to an all-male boarding school for a few years. One brother. Seven year age gap. Insufferable.

He isn’t me. My mother’s name is Violet.

\--Sherlock


	5. Chapter 5

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Update

**Message:**

I’ve finished the first few chapters. Laid all the groundwork for the mystery side. But there’s something missing. Can’t quite put my finger on it. I was wondering if you could help.

My sister Harry’s visiting. That should be a treat.

_Documents attached: A_Study_in_Pink.doc (54 KB)_

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Update

**Message:**

It isn’t completely clear why the two of them would suddenly hit it off and go solving crime to together. Now, logically, you should look for a reason why and write it in. Thankfully you have me, your favorite customer service rep, so you don’t have to. Common bonding experience. Preferably involving adrenaline. Intense emotions. And no, for heaven’s sake, this is not me telling you to get the two of them to shag. Your descriptions are already bordering on making it a romantic adventure story. So I’ll say it again. No. Love. Story. Dear. God.

From your tone, well not your tone, as we’re not actually conversing, it seems that a visiting Harry is not in fact a treat. Though you do have her to thank for meeting me, as I honestly hope you would never have stumbled on the Coltech catalogue otherwise.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Update

**Message:**

Yeah Harry and I don’t get on…

Why do you have such a vendetta against love stories? Had a bad relationship and sworn off the stuff forever? Honestly, people like love stories. This isn’t going to be one. But even if it is. What’s so wrong with that?

\--John

***

_Message Draft [Status: Unsent]_

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Update

**Message:**

I do not have a vendetta against love stories. That’s a bit of a personal query. So I choose not to answer. But in general terms, I find it cloyingly sweet, all too predictable and dull.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Update

**Message:**

Love is a dangerous disadvantage found on the losing side. It is immediately obvious to anyone who makes a study of human nature, as I have consistently and fastidiously done all my life.

Attachment, which is the primary cause of the sensation we call ‘love’, leads directly to suffering. This assertion is not my being pessimistic, but is rather the cornerstone of several philosophies intended to bring the mind to an elevated state. The one you might be familiar with is Buddhism. (Though I am not in fact in any sense religious)

Before you go off on a tangent on how the pain and suffering inherent to attachment is “worth it” based on the joys of the person you are with. And that I simply have not met the “right person”, I assure you that this is not me pitying myself for being alone and hating the very idea of love because of it.

In all fairness though, despite the fact that my conclusions on the subject derive from logic and not bitterness, I did have what you might call a “bad experience” once. His name was Victor. We were at Uni together. It did not end well, though I won’t be saying any more. So perhaps in one way you are right, though the truth is absolute, an experience certainly does give one the clarity to see it.

So to answer your question, I do not have a vendetta against love stories. They are harmless enjoyment. To be regarded on the same level as most works of fiction. Escapist fantasies from the dullness of life. I only think they lack literary merit. Are encouraging an unattainable ideal in the mind of the common man. And stories with that encourage the overly processed sentimentality that is at the heart of our overly emotional, disoriented culture. 

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Look at this message before the last one

**Message:**

Delete the last message.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Look at this message before the last one

**Message:**

Sorry. You were just a bit too late. I have the email app on my mobile. So it sort of popped up right away.

Well. That was a lot. But you did answer my question. And I may not agree with you. But I think in many way’s your right. If more people thought like you did they wouldn’t get hurt. You already predicted what I would say. But I still believe it. If you’re _really_ in love. Then it’s worth getting hurt. But now you’re going to call me hopelessly cliché. Maybe you and Victor weren’t really in love?

\--John

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** So it’s been a few days…

**Message:**

Anyway it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. You’re usually really quick to respond. I suppose it was a bit forward of me to just suggest that you and Victor weren’t really in love. I mean I don’t know him. I don’t really know you. So I apologize.

\--John

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** So here’s the thing

**Message:**

I think I was wrong before. I don’t think you’re mad because of what I assumed about you and Victor. I think you think you shared too much. Or maybe I’m overanalyzing? I do that sometimes too you know? Not at your skill level, obviously. Um. So I guess to even things out, because this is unusual and interesting and I don’t want to ruin it, I’ll sort of tell you why I stopped writing all-out romances.

You might not care. But here goes. So I was dating a woman named Mary and we hit it off in the strangest way. She was working in the department of veterans’ affairs, and when I got back from the war I was sort of torn up, mentally and emotionally. And she helped me get through some of that, and I thought we were close. So I had written her some poetry. Really great stuff too, from the soul, because I believed in the whole romantic ideal. So one night I came home and she was reading it to her sisters and laughing. And it turned out the only reason she had fancied me was because she was trying to please her father, the retired colonel. I was going to propose soon, I had a ring and everything. But I dropped those plans, obviously. And I don’t write romances anymore.

So if we’re cool now. You can message back. I think I more than evened out. Maybe a bit too much. But you be the judge.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: So here’s the thing

**Message:**

Sorry it took me so long to get back. I wasn’t offended by your assertion that Victor and I weren’t in love. He certainly didn’t love me. I might have loved him. But I’m honestly not sure. I usually come to conclusions based on data. But as that experience is singular I have nothing to compare it to.

I’m already familiar with the story you told me. Except the version I know has the soldier striking up a friendship with the more pleasant/slight wallflower sister and eventually getting married. Which is the truth?

As for the real reason for my absence. I was in an accident of sorts. I’ve been helping out this local inspector solve cases. By helping I mean solving them for him. You should feel pretty insecure knowing our police force is this incompetent. That aside. I was knocked out while chasing some smugglers down a dark alleyway. I can understand if you don’t believe me. But it’s all true. I have the stitches to prove it.

I do appreciate your attempt to have “evened it out”. If I were the kind of person to be moved by such gestures, I definitely would be by this one.   

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: So here’s the thing

**Message:**

Well I totally had the wrong impression. I feel like an idiot (don’t agree with me). Are you okay now? Is this just a thing you do on the side? In your free time? I thought violin was your hobby. You could play in an ensemble or something instead of chasing smugglers…but I believe you.

For my part I don’t think I’ve truly been in love with someone either then. If you qualify it as both people feeling love.

But wait. If you recognize the story then you’ve read my last published romance. I wrote it as a kind of cathartic effort and then swore of the romance stuff forever. I based it on all the stuff with Mary. Changed the names and gave it a happy ending. I can’t believe you’ve read it. Have you read all of my old work?  

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: So here’s the thing

**Message:**

I did read it. Times had gotten really trying here at Coltech. I needed some literature that wasn’t at all mentally straining. Or dealing with difficult/complex themes. It was the logical solution.

But it’s only fair that I be familiar with your old work before entering into this writing/brainstorming partnership. You’re familiar with my old work.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: So here’s the thing

**Message:**

Your old work? The underwear modeling. Right. Of course.

Well that warrants a question. What did you think of my work? Rate it out of ten?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: So here’s the thing

**Message:**

Out of ten? You rate mine first. Be completely honest.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: So here’s the thing

**Message:**

10.

\--John


	6. Chapter 6

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Verdict

**Message:**

You asked me to give you a rating for your writing. But it’s an unfair question. Am I evaluating based on the quality of the plot? Your particular style? Any feelings generated in the reader? I will say this. You’re a capable writer. But your talents are wasted on romance. There’s something beneath the surface of every line. Something you want to say but can’t. I’ve never quite had this problem, as I nearly always say exactly what I wish to say. But it doesn’t earn me many friends and admirers. As an author I can see why that would be a problem. If you ever do really want to write a work of significance however, you should dismiss the casual readership for those that want something more…thought provoking.

To answer a question from one of your previous messages. Yes, violin is still my hobby. I don’t generally like playing in ensembles. It involves too much interaction. I prefer composition. Also. Solving crimes is an excellent outlet for deductive reasoning. Albeit dangerous.

I’m fine now. I’ve been discharged and am resting at home. I’ve been given a few days leave from Coltech. So that’s definitely a bonus of the concussion. I should get them more often.

Your ‘10’ rating was quite generous. I was not nearly at the top of my field.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Verdict

**Message:**

Do you have like a tape of one of your original compositions? I’m curious.

Don’t get yourself another concussion to get out of working at Coltech. I’m a doctor. Take my word for it.

What does our detective do when his big brother visits? Does he visit? He might be an interesting plot device.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Verdict

**Message:**

The brother is an interfering annoyance. He visits out of obligation. The detective treats his brother like the nuisance that he is. They don’t get along. Of course he’s an interesting plot device. He’s even smarter than the detective is. Technically. Just lazy. And fat.

Send me one of your poems. I’ll work on a recording.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Verdict

**Message:**

Do you not remember the part where I told you what happened last time I showed someone my poetry?

Your grasping of this detective character is truly extraordinary, Sherlock.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Verdict

**Message:**

As I am technically still a complete stranger you have nothing to lose.

I’ll go first.

_Documents attached: Violin_piece.mp3 (57 KB)_

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Verdict

**Message:**

You don’t feel like a stranger. Is that weird to say? It is. Ignore that.

Here you go: (It’s not even that long so I’ll just paste it in here)

**_Fair Venom_ **

_To love for beauty is to love a box_

_Endure the toil of mining for not a jewel_

_Yet there are more follies for men than flaxen locks_

_Other forms of fair venom that make good men fools_

_To love for brains is to lose one’s own_

_There is more to life than logic and books_

_By a devotion to intellect are not the seeds of a great love sown_

_Men cannot live on Minerva’s wisdom or on Venus’ looks_

_Each virtue alone is a silky devil_

_With bright, satiny eyes_

_Too often proved in the extreme to be evil_

_A vain cover over a den of lies_

_So what then to do_

_Besides idly passing by the days?_

_What then to pursue_

_As the time goes long and far away?_

_Upon one in need, I say roll the die_

_One who has loved the broken bird_

_Will cry tears upon seeing it fly_

_A love true does not worship the light, but the darkness within_

_Sees a person for what they are, making their flaws as dear as kin_

_And so to close_

_I will only say_

_Forsake the fair venom of a red rose_

_For the kind of beauty that stays_

 

\--John

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your piece

**Message:**

I really enjoyed that. I mean I’m someone who doesn’t know head or tails of classical music. And I just enjoyed listening to it. Like it was great.

Um. So update about the book. It’s going really well. The friendship is pretty strong at the core. Then the mystery obviously is central as well. Don’t yell through the screen. I always imagine you do when you go off about not making it a romance. Even though I don’t know what your voice actually sounds like.

It’s sort of a novella though. The way it is now. The mystery sort of wrapped up. I took your leads. And I think the entire thing is being orchestrated by the real bad guy. Who hasn’t shown up yet in this segment. Not in person anyway. I stayed up all night thinking about this. So three parts. Sort of an independent story/mystery to each one. But a general arc connecting all three. I just need another seed for the actual plots of the mystery side. And deduction sequences. I’ll figure out how to tie it in with this villain I have in mind. I haven’t been this excited since I heard some of my unit survived the war.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your poem

**Message:**

I’ll admit the subject matter was not to my taste. But the execution was good. Consistent rhyme scheme. You made some valid points. Greek allusions. I didn’t find anything laughable about it. I don’t know all that much about poetry though. So there’s that.

I like the three part idea. Almost like episodes of a television show. Three episodes in a single series arc. Fascinating. I have some initial ideas based on some Chinese runes I found as graffiti. See the document.

My voice never reaches the decibel level qualifying as yelling.

The lab technician who works in the lab I analyze samples in asked me if I’d like coffee and seemed confused when I said I would like black coffee. Please explain.

_Documents attached: Chinese_Runes_deductionplot.doc [52 KB]_

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Your poem

**Message:**

So you didn’t hate it? But you didn’t love it? Alright. At least you’re honest.

Sherlock, she wasn’t asking you if you wanted coffee. She was asking you if you wanted to get coffee with her. She was asking you out.

Would you like to chat sometime? 7 pm tomorrow work?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Your poem

**Message:**

As I’ve said before. You have the skill. And you always seem to be on the verge of saying something deeper. But don’t.

Ah, that makes sense.

Sure. 7 then.

\--Sherlock

***

capjwats422: Are you online?

holmes.sherlock: Of course I am. It is the correct time.

capjwats422: this is odd.

holmes.sherlock: Why is it odd?

capjwats422: well it’s real time. we’re never in real time.

holmes.sherlock: It's different. Is that bad?

capjwats422: no. differences aren’t bad. Just takes getting used to

holmes.sherlock: Earlier on when I told you about the lab technician you assumed she was a girl. You were correct but why did you assume that? I’ve already given you the implication that I’m gay.

capjwats422: to be honest. I did initially sort of assume because you’re a bloke. and since a greater proportion of the population is straight chances are the person hitting on you would be a girl. plus the way she did it with the coffee…seemed like a woman

capjwats422: I guess I shouldn’t have though

holmes.sherlock: No, that was a moderately good deduction.

capjwats422: that’s a major compliment from you

holmes.sherlock: It is.

capjwats422: The second part. I saw the plot outline you sent me. Read it. I think I could call it “The Banker and his Pin”

holmes.sherlock: Make it “The Blind Banker”.

capjwats422: I like that

holmes.sherlock: The tiniest bit of alliteration always helps.

capjwats422: did you go back and take her out then?

holmes.sherlock: No, of course not. 

capjwats422: right sorry. you’re not interested in women. you said earlier. I’m an idiot

holmes.sherlock: They're not really my area.

capjwats422: do you have a boyfriend then? now?

holmes.sherlock: No.

capjwats422: unattached then, like me

holmes.sherlock: Look john I am flattered by your interest but I’m not really looking for any…

capjwats422: oh I didn’t mean. I’m not asking you out.

holmes.sherlock: Do you? Since you asked as a matter of curiosity, I am curious as well.

capjwats422: not right now no. women tend to be a bit put off by the well, bad leg, not the most money, and oh god why I am telling you this

holmes.sherlock: We’re friends now. I suppose friends tell each other these things. I told you about my coffee girl problem.

capjwats422: oh. okay. well then I can tell you. I haven’t had a date in weeks

holmes.sherlock: Try a bar.

capjwats422: are you serious?

holmes.sherlock: I’ve heard it works, it certainly worked for many of your romance story protagonists.

capjwats422: you’ve bought my collected works haven’t you…

holmes.sherlock: I had to. ;)

capjwats422: don’t internet wink at me…don’t judge the early ones too badly. I was fresh out of uni

holmes.sherlock: I’m fresh out of uni. Well, practically.

capjwats422: right so I’m 29. how old are you?

holmes.sherlock: I am 23. 

capjwats422: I’m trying to decide whether that’s weird or not

holmes.sherlock: It really isn't.

capjwats422: thanks for that, Sherlock, it’s an interesting name

holmes.sherlock: It is not my real first name.

capjwats422: what’s your real first name?

holmes.sherlock: Guess.

capjwats422: Robert?

holmes.sherlock: Nope.

capjwats422: Alexander?

holmes.sherlock: No.

capjwats422: Benedict?

holmes.sherlock: God no.

capjwats422: Percy

holmes.sherlock: That is incorrect.

capjwats422: John?

holmes.sherlock: Fun though it would be if we were both John, no.

capjwats422: Scott?

holmes.sherlock: That’s another middle name, not the first name.

capjwats422: Richard?

holmes.sherlock: Richard Holmes doesn't have a bad ring to it, but no.

capjwats422: Frederick, come on

holmes.sherlock: I am not 'Freddy'.

capjwats422: Fitzwilliam

holmes.sherlock: I am not Mr. Darcy.

capjwats422: oh my god you’ve read pride and prejudice

holmes.sherlock: It was relevant to a case once.

capjwats422: sure sure “relevant to a case” holmes, Charles?

holmes.sherlock: There’s a disagreeable American pop song revolving around the line ‘that’s not my name’.

capjwats422: how do you know this?

holmes.sherlock: It was on at the mall once.

capjwats422: right or you were listening to it in bed after reading some austen

holmes.sherlock: That’s definitely not it, I am a graduate chemist.

capjwats422: a graduate chemist that sells three slice Hawaiian themed toasters

capjwats422: and still hasn’t gotten me a printer refund

holmes.sherlock: Now that was low. You aren’t still on about that?

capjwats422: hey. I was told that consumer satisfaction was guaranteed, or I could return the product for something of equal value or ‘coltech credit’

holmes.sherlock: Ah ‘coltech credit’, the invention of satan himself. You got me. Is that something of equal value?

capjwats422: close enough

holmes.sherlock: Come on. Without me you’d have nothing to print out of those printers.

capjwats422: yes now I have things to print out. but nothing to print them out with.

holmes.sherlock: I can see why that would be potentially problematic.

capjwats422: just a bit, hey I gtg, see you later then.

holmes.sherlock: Please define. 'Gtg'?

capjwats422: oh I forgot, sorry, got-to-go

holmes.sherlock: Wait I know these. Ttyl.

capjwats422: let’s not use that one, gives me teenage girl vibes, we’ll stick to gtg and brb

holmes.sherlock: 'Be right back', okay I see. Tad bit juvenile still, but I see. 

capjwats422: I’ll try this again, I gtg, see you later, Sherlock

holmes.sherlock: Goodbye, John.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets an interesting request from his agent.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** A few questions

**Message:**

How does the detective get cases when they’re not being handled by Scotland Yard? Could you read anything I have so far and tell me what you think? Can I put your coffee girl into the story?

\--John

*******

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: A few questions

**Message:**

Be on at 6. I’ll answer.

\--Sherlock

***

capjwats422: You on, Carl?

holmes.sherlock: Carl? Oh, you’re still guessing my name. No.

capjwats422: I’ll try again some other time. so, what do you think?

holmes.sherlock: Well he obviously gets some traffic off of his website. That’s where people who have really peculiar problems seek him out.

capjwats422: his website?

holmes.sherlock: ‘The Science of Deduction’, full of cutting edge research. Things like an enumerated list of the types of tobacco ash. The ductility of various fibres.

capjwats422: yeah that’s not getting much traffic

holmes.sherlock: You have any more enlightened ideas? I’d be glad to hear them.

capjwats422: hey don’t get touchy, um. what about the flatmate keeping a blog about all the cases they solve together, that might be really popular…

holmes.sherlock: Yes, that’s probably far more appropriate, though less illuminating, for the mass consumption of the public.

holmes.sherlock: I am not touchy.

capjwats422: Sure, Joe. Anyway, do you want to read it?

holmes.sherlock: No show it to me when it’s complete, I don’t want to interfere with the way it’s actually written. That needs to be your voice. Not Joe. Honestly what kind of people would include the names ‘Sherlock’ and ‘Scott’ with ‘Joe’.

capjwats422: idk, what kind of people would name their kid ‘Sherlock’ in the first place, it’s pretty rare, what’s it even signify?

holmes.sherlock: Sherlock means ‘fair-haired’. Which is something of a joke as I have distinctive dark hair. As to what kind of people they are I would say the simplest classification would be that they’re people with too much money and too little time. But I got a better deal than my brother. His name is ‘Mycroft’.

capjwats422: of course it is. So I can include the coffee girl?

holmes.sherlock: Why is she important?

capjwats422: the incident you described earlier between you two. That exchange. It’ll serve some comedic relief.

holmes.sherlock: Why is that funny?

capjwats422: The detective is so intelligent, yet can’t pick up on some social cues. Again, it humanizes him. He’s too incredible otherwise. That’s the secret with superheroes. They have to have a weakness.

holmes.sherlock: Don’t make people into heroes John, heroes don’t exist and if they did our detective wouldn’t be one of them.

capjwats422: he solves peoples’ problems, isn’t that what a hero does? Either way, I’m sending out the first few chapters to my agent this week

holmes.sherlock: Did you pin down your villain as of yet?

capjwats422: oh he’s wonderful, proper British villain, no guns and take-over-the-world fantasies here, no he’s positively chilling

holmes.sherlock: You should mirror him with the detective. Two sides of the same coin.

capjwats422: angel and demon

holmes.sherlock: Precisely.

holmes.sherlock: Hey, something’s come up, I have got to go.

capjwats422: still don’t think you quite have the hang of the abbreviations. later then.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** The name

**Message:**

You were closest with Fitzwilliam.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: The name

**Message:**

Then I’m guessing either Fitz or William. I know you said no romance, but it would be sort of amusing if everyone around the detective and his flatmate could infer that they’re together. As a sort of running gag.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: The name

**Message:**

The second one. Finally. Took you long enough.

I suppose you could. Though I personally don’t find it very funny.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: The name

**Message:**

In the second story they’re getting a case from one of the detective’s former classmates. Rich, banker type. How was our detective at school?

By the way, my agent, Steven, loved the first draft. Would you like to read it?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: The name

**Message:**

Does it matter what he was like?

I’ll read it when it’s finished. Then offer my critique.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Final Script, Detective Story (we discussed over the phone)

**Message:**

I’m calling you right after this so I won’t say too much here. But the plot was excellent. This could do well not only in print, but also as a television serial. But that’s looking too far ahead.

Only one thing John, your forte is romance. We’ve worked together for a while now, and I still think that’s where your talents really are. Write one in, would you? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't updated this in ages, sorry!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock disagree on the value of a romantic plotline.

capjwats422: hey, are you on?

holmes.sherlock: Actually yes. Just came back from a particularly satisfying case.

capjwats422: a criminal case?

holmes.sherlock: Yes, I was tasked with recovering a compromising photograph of a prominent socialite.

capjwats422: from your tone I’m assuming you were successful

holmes.sherlock: Initially no, but I used a few of my typical tricks. Fire has such a way of exposing a person’s true priorities.

capjwats422: Send me some more details of this incident, I could work it in to the second arc of detective stories

holmes.sherlock: I am rather tired right now as I tend to ignore my physical well being while on a case. But when I have the time I shall type up the particulars of this case, you can dramatize and color the incident as you see fit.

capjwats422: how would our detective introduce his flatmate to his old school acquaintance?

holmes.sherlock: Well, he would introduce him as a colleague, and the flatmate would probably correct to _friend_ or something nauseatingly sentimental like that.

capjwats422: I think it would happen in reverse actually

holmes.sherlock: Why?

capjwats422: well correct me if I’m wrong, but the detective doesn’t have that many friends, possibly none, and was the same way at school. People like that tend to be that way. So he would be so happy that he finally has one, that he shoves it into this bloke’s face, and the flatmate, who isn’t as warm and sunny as he appears in comparison to the detective, is feeling like he’s annoyed at the world at the time, and says _colleague_ just to irk him

holmes.sherlock: Whatever do you mean, people like that? And why is the flatmate annoyed at the world?

capjwats422: ex-military, he’s used to having a broader purpose and in his civilian life he’s having to deal with all these minor problems that just drive him insane. People like that = people who are singularly gifted and therefore different from other people

holmes.sherlock: Yes, I think he was like that.

capjwats422: which one?

holmes.sherlock: Both of them.

capjwats422: how does he dress?

holmes.sherlock: He wears a suit out of the house, and a dressing gown at home.

capjwats422: what would he wear to Buckingham Palace?

holmes.sherlock: Why is he going to Buckingham Palace?

capjwats422: his client with the compromising photograph is a royal

holmes.sherlock: He would wear a bedsheet.

capjwats422: would he really do that?

holmes.sherlock: I would.

capjwats422: But why?

holmes.sherlock: Why not?

capjwats422: okay, I do not know what to say to that

holmes.sherlock: People care far too much what other people say or think about them.

capjwats422: I’ve written characters that act like they don’t care, but actually do

holmes.sherlock: Honestly though, why do you write romance? It’s such a waste. It’s such a bore.

capjwats422: gtg, I’ll respond to that question later, I have a good answer

holmes.sherlock: I can hardly wait.

_capjwats422 is offline_

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Problems with the Romantic Plotline

**Message:**

So I’ll get right to the point here.

1)      It’s a detective story, wouldn’t that detract from the plot?

2)      Which two characters should I put together?

3)      If I make it a love story how long should it take for the two characters I want together to get together?

4)      The idea for this story came from my friend, well I’ve never met him, but—actually it’s not relevant to get into that now, he just feels that romance is trite and all this other stuff. And given that it’s something or a partnership now—and I was planning on giving him some of the credit once I published…

***

 **From:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Problems with the Romantic Plotline

**Message:**

1)      Yours isn’t a detective story as much as it is a story about a detective.

2)      You can really speaking put any two characters together. But ideally the relationship with the most payoff would include the detective or the flatmate as they seem to be the major characters you’re focusing on.

3)      I tell this to all of the writers I work with, no one roots for something that comes easy. All good relationships are problematic. They involve loss, a great deal of pain, before the inevitable redemption. Have your readers go through hell for this pairing.  

4)      Convince him.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** The Value of Romantic Plotlines

**Message:**

Love is a very powerful motivator. It can drive a dramatic character arc, and there really is no better catalyst for radical action. You’ve studied human behavior, you know that.

It makes you feel good to read it. We read literature to escape our lives, and watching other people fall in love is what we want. It’s satisfying.

It creates _angst_. Which is a great hook. It’s horrible to say it but writers love making their characters suffer. Here you have your love triangles, your aborted declarations of love, death of a major character, misunderstandings, breakups, duo can’t be together because the parents say no and the like. It’s tried and true. And it works.  

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com                                                            

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: The Value of Romantic Plotlines

**Message:**

I’ll give you the first one. But I’d like to think of our detective as not to be so weak.

Is it supposed to make a person feel good? Why should I care if imagined people are falling in love? Do inform me if _I_ am. Then I’ll put a stop to it at once.

Right. It creates emotional pain. You don’t have to actually pursue a romantic plotline to do this. You can dangle it in front of the reader while not taking away from the plot of the narrative. Add a blatantly sexual side character and show how the detective reacts. That should be enough to satisfy your voracious readership. I know sex sells.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: The Value of Romantic Plotlines

**Message:**

It’s not weak to have emotions, you know that.

By the way, I still haven’t come up with a name for the detective. Any ideas?

I’ll add a dominatrix into the mix. That’ll be fun. How does the detective react?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: The Value of Romantic Plotlines

**Message:**

Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side.

Name him whatever you like. But don’t you dare name him after me.

He isn’t one, but he reacts like a blushing virgin.

\--Sherlock

***

_C:\\\My Documents\Personal Files\Written Works\John Watson\Detectivestory.doc_

Series 2, Story 1, Tentative Title: A Scandal in Belgravia

To William Scott, she was always _the_ woman…


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Adventures of William Scott is a hit.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Publishing Things

**Message:**

We’re in the final editing stages with Steven for the first round of three stories. I was wondering if you’d like your name to be on it, and whether you’d supply a short bio and maybe a picture for the back cover under mine, that’s usually the way this publishing house does it. And then we have a publishing party in like a week? I know we haven’t actually met, but it might be fun. You know. To not just email each other. Though this has its own charms. And look at that, it’s late and I’m rambling again. Author though, so I guess it comes with the territory…

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Publishing Things

**Message:**

The picture I can get. What kind of bio would you like? I don’t know what to say. Does my name really have to be on this at all?

I think I can be there. If you turn out to be boring in person though, I’ll be tremendously disappointed.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Publishing Things

**Message:**

It’s simple enough really. Um. For you they’d probably say: Sherlock Holmes is a twenty three year old Chemistry student, he studies at Oxford and now works a part time job at a popular technology firm. In his free time he assists the NSY with cases. Sherlock is also an avid violinist and amateur music composer.

Your name should be on it. That way I’d feel like we’re even.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Publishing Things

**Message:**

That makes me sound pretty normal. It should please my mother to say the least, that I’m finally doing productive things in the world besides studying chemistry just so I know the proper way to blow things up and violin to drive her mad and wake up the entire house.

There’s something else, really, that I wanted to ask you. Actually no. But. I might as well. I’ve started typing already so that musn’t be a wasted effort and my subconscious mind wants me to ask. I’ve met a woman. Interesting. To say the least. I don’t know quite what to make of her. Encountered her on one of my cases. How does one quantify attraction? I can see hers quite plainly in its manifestations in her mannerisms. But I cannot track my own.

\--Sherlock

***

  **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Publishing Things

**Message:**

You don’t like sound normal do you? What would a truthful bio say then?

Here’s a checklist for you then. You’re the type to appreciate that.

1)      You’re nervous when you’re around them

2)      If they offered sex you would take it

3)      You would willingly spend time with this person

 

These are usually good basic conditions for attraction. But I thought we established earlier that you were gay? I thought. In a chat or something.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Publishing Things

**Message:**

Real bio would include my lack of empathy for the whinging and wailing masses and my utter dissatisfaction with daily life.

I am gay in theory, but not in practice. Funny thing is, so is she, her more in practice.

But that matter’s resolved itself. I have defeated her. I’ve typed up some details of the incident in the attached file. I’ve attached my picture too.

\--Sherlock

_Documents attached: My_face.jpg (18 KB); The_incident.doc (22 KB)_

***

holmes.sherlock: Are you currently online?

capjwats422: it’s 2 in the morning

holmes.sherlock: But you are in fact online.

capjwats422: well I bloody am now you woke me up, my phone makes this noise every time I get a message

holmes.sherlock: I am familiar with phone alert systems, John.

capjwats422: okay then

holmes.sherlock: How’s the story going?

capjwats422: if this was about the story, you would have just sent an email

holmes.sherlock: I can’t make it to the publishing party, I saw the details you sent me, I have a thing.

capjwats422: okay

holmes.sherlock: Thought I should tell you.

capjwats422: Steven and Mark were looking forward to meeting you

holmes.sherlock: Why would they look forward to meeting me?

capjwats422: they like the detective character and I told them it was at least partially based on you

holmes.sherlock: I’ll concede to that, I am the inspiration for his impeccable attention to extraneous details. But any embellishments you’ve made on him, I claim no influence over.

capjwats422: are you okay? It’s 2 am

holmes.sherlock: I’m fine, sometimes I like to talk at night. It’s better than nicotine patches, less effective, but better for your health I’m told. Why are you awake?

capjwats422: I told you

holmes.sherlock: Standard phone alerts wouldn’t wake a man from REM sleep. Unless yours is like a gong.

capjwats422: I forgot you were like this, fine. I was awake. Bad dream. Thought I might write a little.

holmes.sherlock: You must have post traumatic stress disorder. Does writing help?

capjwats422: yeah it does

holmes.sherlock: You wish you could be having adventures too. Tell me then, is the flatmate character based around you?

capjwats422: partially, but any embellishments on his character I have no influence over

holmes.sherlock: Don’t quote me.

capjwats422: are you sure you’re not open to a possible romantic storyline? My agent thinks it might be a good idea

holmes.sherlock: Absolutely out of the question.

capjwats422: right well, I’m going to try and get some sleep

holmes.sherlock: Good night.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_

***

 **From:** markgatiss@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **CC:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **Subject:** Three Week Update on ‘The Adventures of William Scott’

**Message:**

It’s a really good sell. Numbers are up. I’ll show you the spreadsheet later. Our house hasn’t seen a hit like this in years. Our American counterpart is interested in it. Very interested. Meet around my place sometime this week to discuss specifics? It’s looking great.

Keep up work on the second three part deal. Aim to publish that in 5-6 months. Then if you want we can slow the pace down. The people love detective William Scott and his flatmate Arthur Conan. We’ve got to really sell it to them while we have their attention. I’ll show you the press release in person. We want you to do some events relating to the book, if at all possible: for the overseas market once we get that finalized. Tell your co-author he’s about to become very, very famous. This is on the cusp of going viral.  

***

_C:\\\My Documents\Personal Files\Written Works\John Watson\Detectivestory.doc_

Possible romantic plotlines:

Dominatrix+William: mirrors attract, blatantly sexual vs. appearance of asexuality, both brilliant

Coffeegirl+William: girl gets guy, sympathetic character makes good, humanizing potential

Police Inspector+William: ??

Arthur+William: after a comprehensive re-read of the series this appears highly plausible, but Arthur’s straight, which could be a potential issue, William’s not interested, or is he?

***

_https:www.tumblr.com/blog/consulting-doctor/post-349028/93402.com_

_Hey guys, Amanda here!_

_I really didn’t think I’d end up liking this series as much as I do. It’s a detective story. But it’s taken over my life. William+Arthur is the most adorable thing ever written. I ship it so hard. Why should you read it? I’ll tell you…_

_[Read more]_

***

holmes.sherlock: So you haven’t been on in a while.

capjwats422: I have to tell you about this actually. The novel did great. I can’t thank you enough.

holmes.sherlock: You wrote it.

capjwats422: so did you. So anyway, I’m going to America for two weeks, trying to build a reader base there. I wish you’d come to some of the parties we’re having at the agency to celebrate this.

holmes.sherlock: I don’t go to parties.

capjwats422: why’s that?

holmes.sherlock: The people, they bother me. I read it too, by the way. William Scott? Really?

capjwats422: sorry about that

holmes.sherlock: It’s alright. You did nail my characterization. It was eerie. We’ve never met but you wrote me perfectly.

capjwats422: I thought you said it wasn’t you.

holmes.sherlock: Sometimes I lie.

capjwats422: There is one thing. I know you don’t really want to be a part of this media hype, just one interview with the press, about the novel and your role in it.

holmes.sherlock: I can do that.

capjwats422: what’s new with you? I’ve missed these late night chats

holmes.sherlock: I quit Coltech finally.

capjwats422: thank goodness, by the way, I really want to meet you sometime

holmes.sherlock: You’re going to America.

capjwats422: Maybe when I get back.

holmes.sherlock: Is William Scott a likable character? It’s jumping off the shelves.

capjwats422: I’d say he is. He pretends he’s fairly high and mighty but it’s sort of a defense mechanism, at least the way I’ve written him. ‘I’m a high functioning sociopath’ that kind of thing. And then Conan’s got his own problems. This isn’t weird for you is it?

holmes.sherlock: More interesting than weird. I’ve never considered that about, well myself. It’s like looking at myself from the outside.

capjwats422: You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met. Well not met. But you know.

holmes.sherlock:  I’m going on a case now. I’ll fwd you a word document like I always do.

capjwats422: looking forward to it

_capjwats422 is offline_

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the real victory of this chapter is that I finally got to use one of the CC things that I've pasted in a million times for formatting reasons.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock gives a television interview.

_The Journal Weekly Book Review, Popular Now!_

_Columnist: Rachel Steele_

_Special guest: Co-author, The Adventures of William Scott, Sherlock Holmes_

_[transcript enclosed]_

RS: So is this your first television interview, Mr. Holmes?

SH: Yes. Though I’d imagine it’s not yours, you’ve seemed to love that limelight since an early age, were you Ms. Teen UK around 12 years ago?

RS: [pause] Er…yes. Did you research me? Before you got here? [laughs] I certainly read up on you, and by you I mean our William Scott.

SH: No, I deduced it.

RS: Right his trick! Oh, it’s fascinating, fascinating to read. Did you have any apprehension when this was published?

SH: Why would I be apprehensive?

RS: John Watson has commented that he’s drawn inspiration from several real life incidents in your past to create this character, which has resonated so well with the public.

SH: Yes, well—I’ve you’d read into the character at all, neither he nor I particularly care too much about public sentiment.

RS: [pauses] Next question then. Is there anything you can tell us on the future of the character?

SH: I could make several hypotheses as to where the storyline is going.

RS: But, you won’t?

SH: If I was a discerning reader I would like to make my guesses up for myself.

RS: Moving right along then. What would you say is the dynamic of your partnership with John Watson? How do you collaborate on this project together?

SH: I supply the deductions, he supplies the details and the dramatics. Mostly electronic medium.

RS: You never meet up to discuss plotlines or…?

SH: We’ve never met in person.

RS: You’ve never met in person at all? That’s hard to believe.

SH: You cannot choose to believe or not to believe a fact.

RS: Um. Next question. Where do you see the future of the partnership between your two characters William Scott and Arthur Conan?

SH: It’s a strong working partnership I should think.

RS: Readers have written in saying they appreciate the friendship that’s shown developing over the course of—

SH: It’s the cases they should appreciate.

RS: Mr. Holmes is there any message you’d like to give to the fans? To John Watson, who may be watching?

SH: I highly doubt he’ll be watching it’s not playing on most American news stations, the story is low priority.

RS: The message, Mr. Holmes.

SH: Ah yes, to them I’d ask to please consider boycotting the products of Coltech corporation.

RS: I’m sorry, I don’t see the connec—

SH: My brother’s company markets Hawaiian themed toasters and faulty printers. I’m using the privileges of my fifteen minutes of fame to make a dent in their profit margin.

RS: [pauses] Okay. And to John Watson?

SH: [looks into camera] The game is on.

***

capjwats422: Sherlock, what was that?

holmes.sherlock: To what are you referring?

capjwats422: that interview, it was hilarious

holmes.sherlock: You’re not upset? I didn’t sell the novel as much as you might prefer. Not that I care.

capjwats422: it does well enough on its own, but at least you were yourself

holmes.sherlock: You saw the whole thing?

capjwats422: Yeah, I’d never actually seen you, so I did, I found it on YouTube

holmes.sherlock: What did you think?

capjwats422: of what?

holmes.sherlock: Me, of course. You’d never seen me before? Was I exactly as you’d expected?

capjwats422: you looked tall

holmes.sherlock: Excellent analysis there, John.

capjwats422: I didn’t think your eyes were that blue, and your hair does it always curl like that?

holmes.sherlock: Yes.

capjwats422: Not that I find you attractive I mean, in case that came across wrong, just an observation, though it’s not that you’re not good looking

holmes.sherlock: Do stop typing now.

capjwats422: thank you

holmes.sherlock: How was your flight?

capjwats422: Utterly boring. I brought along War&Peace, I always intend to read it when I’m on planes. But it puts me right to sleep.

holmes.sherlock: You should have written more Scott.

capjwats422: I can’t get him out of my head.

holmes.sherlock: I can’t do another interview.

capjwats422: you did fine

holmes.sherlock: I’d rather not.

capjwats422: why?

holmes.sherlock: I don’t like being put on the spot. I don’t really like too much attention either, despite what you might expect.

capjwats422: it’s okay, Sherlock, you don’t have to do another interview

holmes.sherlock: Thank you.

capjwats422: when you were a kid did you not like being called on by the teacher?

holmes.sherlock:  I usually knew more about her subject than she did.

capjwats422: I see

holmes.sherlock: I don’t think you do. You think you know me so well. But there’s more to it. There always is.

capjwats422: alright, tell me then

holmes.sherlock: Why? So you can write about it?

capjwats422: I’m not going to write about it if you don’t want me too.

holmes.sherlock: It’s rather ironic don’t you think, that book me is so likable, so adored?

capjwats422: I’m sure people like you

holmes.sherlock: They don’t. And I don’t like people either.

capjwats422: I like you.

holmes.sherlock: You like William Scott.

capjwats422: look, I’m sorry I made you do the interview, I thought you might enjoy it

holmes.sherlock: Why the hell would I enjoy it? Useless questions. At least you found it funny. At least I’m quite an amusing character…

capjwats422: Sherlock, you’re more than a character. He’s just based on you.

holmes.sherlock: Maybe I should get a flatmate. But who’d take me as a flatmate?

capjwats422: I hate to leave right here like this, but my meeting’s in fifteen minutes, I have to get ready, just if you want, you can email me what more there is that I’m not seeing

holmes.sherlock: Go.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** While you’re in your meeting

**Message:**

Sorry about earlier. I was in a mood. It can sometimes happen, but it’s rare for me to get so sentimental. Anyway. There’s that.

I don’t know what bothers me most about William Scott. Maybe it’s just that he’s living the life I would want to live. A consulting detective. But I’ve put some thought into it, and it’s probably more than that. I do like his life. But I like all of it. What he has with Conan. A captive audience, appreciative of his genius. I could never admit this in person. I don’t like talking to people about my emotions. It’s easier to type it out. Feels detached enough to make it possible.

I’ve always been detached, I think. Maybe that’s the something more you didn’t know about me. I only ever cared really for chemistry as a tool. Violin as a distraction. You’ve seemed curious in the past as to what I was like when I was younger, perhaps to put together some sort of psychological profile for Scott. Well it’s not too far off from what you may have pegged me as. I was withdrawn, reserved, relentlessly picked on (which is not in any means an excuse for your pity). But I was happy. For the most part. I had a dog, Redbeard—because I liked pirates. My brother Mycroft is seven years my elder. I grew up in his shadow, but it was not altogether distasteful, after all, a shadow also provides shade (that was decently poetic don’t you think?)

I’m going to send this before I hate myself for it and delete it all. I hope it explains something at least. Though I’m not entirely sure what.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: While you’re in your meeting

**Message:**

You don’t have to apologize to me. It makes sense that this might be weird and new for you. Anyone might react that way. And it’s unfair of you to hold yourself to a different standard. I know you’re dead set on saying sentiment is bad, ‘chemical defect found on the losing side’ but really, I think you think with your heart more often than you think.

I know what you mean about Scott. I feel the same way about Conan. I based him upon me, in case you couldn’t tell immediately. You’d like a captive audience, a companion I suppose. And I like having a commander, which is what Scott is. Conan was in the army like me, and he craves that sense of purpose that Scott gives him, that you’ve given me, by making me write this novel.

I don’t think detached is the right word. You try your hardest to create some distance. But, if you don’t mind me saying this, I think it’s because you’ve been hurt before. I’ve never met anyone like you, Sherlock, and being different can’t have earned you that many fans early on, but what you have is really special. I don’t give pep talks like this in person. But like you said, here it’s easier. What happened to Redbeard?

I had a dog too growing up. Harry and I loved him. I was into sports a lot, and was generally considered a ‘good kid’ I guess? But there was always this side of me that wanted adventure. So I joined the army. I wrote short stories while overseas. I was good at them. I sent one in to a publishing company and got it published while I was still in Afghanistan. Then of course, I got shot and came back up here. My printer jammed. And I met you. Well, not really met.

A person as brilliant as you shouldn’t hate themselves, it’s criminal.

\--John

***

holmes.sherlock: He died John. They didn’t know how to tell me.

capjwats422: oh

holmes.sherlock: John?

capjwats422: Yeah, Sherlock?

holmes.sherlock: With the money you’re getting from the America deal you should get yourself a new printer.

capjwats422: what if it jams?

holmes.sherlock: Contact customer service.

capjwats422: we both know what that got me into last time

holmes.sherlock: I thought you said you liked me, John. ;)

capjwats422: you didn’t just wink at me, you should have when you said that last line in the interview ‘the game is on’

holmes.sherlock: Too gay for public television, John. We must be mindful of the public.

capjwats422: oh my god, you’re making me laugh

holmes.sherlock: I was so upset earlier I didn’t fully appreciate the line where you said I had nice eyes.

capjwats422: That’s what I get for complimenting an egomaniac.

holmes.sherlock: That’s what you get for contacting Coltech customer service.

capjwats422: I regret nothing  


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock meets a familiar face.

**From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I’m in town

**Message:**

Sherlock, I’m in London for a few days, I was wondering if you could meet me, catch up on some old times. I saw your book, it’s interesting. I know it might be awkward, especially considering how we left things off, but we should let bygones be bygones right?

Cheers,

Victor

***

_Message Draft [Status: Unsent]_

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** victortrevor21@aol.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I’m in town

**Message:**

You have some nerve contacting me again.

There isn’t much point talking about old times, you’ll find I’ve become far more wary of fools since you met me last, and I’ll be far less forgiving of your dullness than I was. If by old times you mean some sort of gross euphemism for sex then I’m not interested, not because I’m at all emotionally compromised by the idea of you, but because, frankly, you were never very good—you know how I feel about incompetence.

I frankly don’t care what you think of mine and John’s book. You know nothing of detective work and even less about literature and can’t come close to understanding it.

Let bygones be bygones? You didn’t just step on my foot on the tube or cut me off in traffic. In retrospect is doing what you did the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me, yes. But at the time, as you no doubt know, and definitely knew then, I was considerably smitten (though why I would be at the idea of a prattling little bug like you is now a mystery even, genius that I truly am, don’t have the answer to) and it was needlessly cruel. I had always known up to that point in my life that sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side, but you gave me such undeniable proof.

I don’t need to see you. I don’t want to see you, and I won’t. Good day.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** victortrevor21@aol.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I’m in town

**Message:**

Okay.

\--Sherlock

***

_Mailbox search: chat, Sherlock_

_Results: (1) found_

_Chat History_

_Contact: holmes.sherlock.edu_

6/14/2010

6/15/2010

6/16/2010

6/17/2010

6/18/2010

6/19/2010

6/20/2010

6/21/2010

6/22/2010

6/23/2010

…

7/19/2010

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Meet me at the airport?

**Message:**

This might sound odd. But it’s odd enough that we’ve been talking to each other for around an hour every day for the past month—I looked it up—even though we’ve never met. Meet me at Heathrow, Terminal 3 at 3:40 pm on the twenty third? I’ll buy you lunch. Even though you don’t eat on a case, if you don’t eat I will. I hate plane food.

\--John

P.S. I’m really glad to be getting back, Texas weather doesn’t agree with me, and this trip has been stretched far longer than I had planned. I need some good old British rain, some tea (people here are obsessed with Starbucks coffee, I didn’t think it was _that_ great).

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Meet me at the airport?

**Message:**

I should have told you in our last chat, I’m no longer in London myself, or in good old England which you clearly seem to be missing. Nostalgia at your age? A tad premature don’t you think. That being said, Americans annoy me. But to be fair, Britons do too. I like to think I’m not racist or sexist, but just detest the incompetence of the masses in all colors and genders. It didn’t rain too much here when you were gone. Only the occasional downpour, which is better than the great flood of Genesis we usually get this time of year.

But I digress. I am currently on the continent (France, to be more specific, perhaps when we do meet we can debate whether the French or the Americans are more tiresome, I already have hours worth of material). I wish you a dull and boring flight (isn’t that what people usually say?), hoping some above average ideas grace your mind while airborne.

\--Sherlock

P.S. People don’t usually use the ‘P.S.’ when writing emails. Thought I’d point that out. That was usually done in letters because being written in pen it was difficult to go back and add text after signing one’s name, yet when typing the ‘backspace’ feature makes it relatively easy.  

P.P.S. We went to America once. I’ve attached a picture because I knew you’d ask for them, the fat one is Mycroft, the skinny one is me, I thought I should specify in case your powers of deduction are more subpar than the usual. Our parents wanted to see New York City that year and as I was seven my vote for Minsk (to possibly sneak off and investigate Russian drug cartels) was not heeded. I was less impressed with it than they expected. They’re the sort of people who go window shopping for fun…

_Documents attached: NYC.jpg (140 KB)_

***

  **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Meet me at the airport?

**Message:**

That’s really too bad. What are you doing on the continent?

You’re going to hate me for this but you’re adorable in that picture, sulking in front of the Statue of Liberty. Classic.

If you’re not supposed to use post-scripts why are you using them? Just to humor me?

I like window shopping too sometimes, but mostly because I’m actually shopping and see something I like, look at the price tag, and then act like I was window shopping because breaking the bank for a pair of shoes is a stupider idea than even us people of the ‘incompetent masses’ are usually prone to.

Chat tonight?

\--John

P.S. I’m going to use this anyway, just to annoy you. You can feel free to do the same if you like. I’ve attached a picture of me when I was younger too, just to be fair. I was two in this one; the big older boy that’s trying to sit on me is my sister Harry. A few seconds after the picture was taken all hell breaks loose when I bite her hand and interrupt her plot to dent me so that Mum and Dad would have to send me back to the baby factory and get a replacement. Just a normal day in the Watson household.

_Documents attached: Harry_is_a_terrific_older_sister.jpg (190 KB)_

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Meet me at the airport?

**Message:**

I am not adorable. I once argued with my Mother about her right to refer to me that way. It grew quite heated and we finally came to an agreement. As her winning remark was something along the lines of ‘After enduring thirteen hours of hard labor, with you being late as usual, three weeks overdue, after having blown up like a balloon for nine months I do think I may therefore call you what I so like’, my nine year old self was forced to concede. She’s a stubborn woman.

The look in Harry’s eyes is vaguely murderous. I didn’t know they made overalls for a child that small. You have jam residue on your fingers, you mentioned in a chat that you like it, I guess some habits start young? Though it really would have been a travesty if I had started smoking fresh out of the womb.

I can’t chat tonight. Maybe sometime later.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Notice

**Message:**

Sherlock, stop breaking your internet usage limit. This facility can’t help you if you don’t comply with all the regulations.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Notice

**Message:**

An hour a day is unreasonable. How will I contact John in case he needs me for the book? How will I respond to case requests, should I get any?

As I have said before, it was one slip-up, and you know why. I don’t need to be back here. I’m perfectly fine.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Notice

**Message:**

I don’t need to remind you Sherlock your continued enrollment at Oxford is contingent on your following through with this treatment. They’re generally not very tolerant of such behavior and the department chair only conceded to my advocacy on your behalf when he admitted that the drugs you’re capable of analyzing and synthesizing are far more complex than the ones that you are ingesting.

You’re not perfectly fine. Don’t argue with me. I haven’t the time.

You’ve only exacerbated the potential risks by becoming more than a little famous, do try and make sure this incident doesn’t get out to the William Scott fan club. Your little TV comment brought down our selling price on the index. Please control yourself and act like an adult if at all possible. My expectations at this point are so low that I wholeheartedly believe you may meet them. Don’t feel compelled to prove me wrong.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Notice

**Message:**

I love you too.

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Notice

**Message:**

Lies. I’m still not letting you out of there.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Notice

**Message:**

Damn. It was worth a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you want clarification with anything that's happened so far, since the electronic format everything's in is unorthodox. I'll be weaving in more websites and fan mail and things as the story goes on.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets up with an old author friend. Sherlock alerts him of an impending press leak. And tumblr is still going wild...

_Displaying Message 1 of 22 in “Sawyer, Sarah J”_

**From:** sarahsawyer19@aol.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Haven’t talked in a while

**Message:**

Hey John!

 

I know we haven’t talked since--Harold’s party was at least a year ago I should think. But I read your book and goodness it was brilliant and I just wanted to say congratulations.

 

Yours,

Sarah

***

_Displaying Message 20 of 22 in “Sawyer, Sarah J”_

**From:** sarahsawyer19@aol.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:**  You made a fair point over coffee

**Message:**

 

You’re absolutely right. But I just cannot go from Sarah the romance queen to Sarah the historical fiction queen. The readership will not necessarily follow. I have to pay the bills. It worked for you. The genre switch. I just don’t think its going to work for me.

 

And anyway, your stuff has a lot of talk about it over the Internet. If you ever look for it. You might not want to. Some people say you haven’t left romance at all. Just food for thought. And speaking of food, dinner at my place tonight? Say around 7?

 

Yours,

Sarah

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:**  sarahsawyer19@aol.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: You made a fair point over coffee

**Message:**

 

Tomorrow night maybe. And I will convince you. I have a thing at 7. Sherlock said he would be on. Sorry. Work calls. Like you said. Bills.

 

\--John

***

_https:www.tumblr.com/blog/consulting-doctor/post-234228/433302.com_

_Hey guys, Amanda here!_

_So at this point I am officially William+Arthur trash. It’s even replaced destiel as my ultimate OTP. It’s a harsh betrayal I know. But eye sex in book form is so rare and precious. They literally complete each other. The mutual need. I could go on. But I have a point for this post. We have to come up with a better ship name. I’ve tried different portmanteau style things but nothing seems to fit quite right. Send suggestions to my ask box!_

***

_Displaying message 1022 of 1022 in “Him”_

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: When I will be back

**Message:**

Very shortly there is going to be an announcement in the tabloids which will of course proceed to the mainstream press. Fans of our work tend to the overzealous and I do not fault them as that very quality is often my worst trait. But they dug where they I had rather they would not.

 

Your reputation as a serious author will likely not be compromised. I do have an attorney and plan to sue, not because I have taken offense but because the money would not hurt. If I win the case I can thrust it at my interfering brother whom I may confess is the reason we have not yet met though I ardently wish that we might. Your company is infinitely preferable to that I do obtain here.

 

It is more difficult to say than to type. In fact it is almost easy yet I imagine the look on your face. As has been the look on the face of many people who do meet me in person, knowing this or not, who take an instant dislike to my warranted brashness at their stupidity. If you care to be Freud again which you might you would think that I am so righteous about my use of the full breadth and correct use of the English language and the tone of formality that it creates because I am hiding something and that I am. Though I confess I love to correct people on their usage of language. I love to correct people about everything.

 

I was, and by some definitions still am (though not by most) addicted to cocaine. I have had treatment. This is the reason why I am currently abroad. In other words my first relapse in years. I hope you will forgive me for the fallout when it reaches the wider press. I do not care what people think of me. Do not be mistaken. But you do. It was a partnership. And I understand that.

 

Know however before you make a judgement on me (as I am so prone to do unto others) that I do not generally have friends. After I began to count you among them, I just have the one.

\--Sherlock

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though if anyone has a nice ship name for two characters whose name are William Scott and Arthur Conan please tell me immediately.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gives an interview.

_Google search: “William Scott” Subcategory: “News”_

_About 20,400 results (Time .43 seconds)_

Second Half of **Scott** Duo To Make Official Comment on Television \- BBC News

12 minutes ago

Conan or Cocaine? New Allegations Surface \- The Huffington Post

22 minutes ago

Should fans stop reading **William Scott**? \- The London Journal

29 minutes ago

Local **Scott** fans or Scotties rally behind reclusive author Sherlock Holmes \- The Boston Herald

34 minutes ago

Popular author  of **Scott** books is revealed to be an ADDICT \- The Gazetteer

1 hour ago

If you thought the books were addictive… \- The Sun Online

1 hour ago

***

_The Buzz_

_Anchor: George Godfrey_

_Special Guest: Author John Watson_

_Panel: Book critic Angela Newhouse, Addiction specialist Harry Turner_

_[transcript enclosed]_

_GG: Morning John. If you don’t mind I’d like to start with you._

_JW: [coughs] It’s no problem._

_GG: Obviously this news must be the most devastating for you, in light of the book’s enormous success--_

_JW: [laughs] Don’t you people usually say all publicity is good publicity? I don’t know, I mean. I was in the army. I take things as they come._

_AN: You’ve been quoted as saying that the character is drawn from Mr. Holmes. Does this mean that he is an addict as well? Is it appropriate in your opinion that children be reading about such a man who many considered prior to this to be a role model?_

_JW: [laughs] A role model. He’d laugh at that too. It wasn’t really my intention for him to be that. But if that is your concern about this whole business, and I think it really shouldn’t be--I think we should be talking about the amount of intrusion this is and it’s an example of the press and the media interfering in a person’s private life but if you want to talk about the book I will--he’s not perfect. Real people aren’t perfect. I think children should know that. I learned that fairly early on._

_GG: Harry do you have anything to say about this?_

_HT: I’d have to know more about his medical history to make a comment on him specifically. If you have a question on addiction in general I can certainly explain._

_GG: Do you think it affects the way he wrote the book? The condition I mean?_

_HT: Well certainly being high can affect one’s mental state in ways that would extend to writing but like I said not knowing any specifics on--_

_JW: No one should know any specifics. He’s a private citizen._

_AN: Can we get back to the book?_

_GG: [shifts in seat] Very well. John, the big question. Does this revelation change the way you wanted the overall arc to unfold?_

_JW: No._

_GG: Could you elaborate?_

_JW: Definitely and most assuredly not._

_GG: Why is that?_

_JW: He’s my friend. And he has a personal problem that has no relation to his professional life and the novel whatsoever._

_AN: He is the person upon which Scott is based. How can you say that?_

_JW: Look, he was in Uni. You’re telling me you didn’t do anything in Uni that was a mistake? Godfrey? Dr. Turner? Angela?_

_GG: We’re getting a caller._

_JW: Oh?_

_[on the phone]: I have a source that says he’s recently relapsed. If he keeps doing this will you end the partnership?_

_JW: Who are you?_

_[on the phone]: Jim, I work in IT. Tremendous fan._

_JW: Thank you Jim, and as to your question I will not comment on recent aspects of his medical treatment as that is his business and his alone. I would ask you to name your source._

_GG: He hung up._

_JW: [smiles] As expected._

***

_holmes.sherlock is online_

_capjwats422 is online_

 

holmes.sherlock: I’m not really sure what to say.

capjwats422: saw it then?

holmes.sherlock: Yes. Obviously.

capjwats422: Moff thought I was too hard.

holmes.sherlock: What did you think?

capjwats422: I hate Angela Newhouse. I always have. She hates my books.

holmes.sherlock: Our books too?

capjwats422: yeah

holmes.sherlock: I don’t know why she wouldn’t like it. You write competently.

capjwats422: thanks mate

holmes.sherlock: No problem.

capjwats422: You’re alright?

holmes.sherlock: Better. Not the best.

capjwats422: what made you slip?

holmes.sherlock: I’d rather not.

capjwats422: that’s okay with me. how’s your brother dealing with this?

holmes.sherlock: Coltech’s board of directors won’t invite him along to the weekly golf outing. But he’ll get over it.

capjwats422: charming

holmes.sherlock: You hadn’t slept all night. When you went to tape the show. It showed.

capjwats422: who was the source?

holmes.sherlock: John please. Let’s talk about something else.

capjwats422: I meant it you know. Every word. If you still want. We can keep writing.

holmes.sherlock: Good. I’d be lost without my writer.

capjwats422: My sister drinks, I’ve probably mentioned it. I’m used to this. What people say.

holmes.sherlock: Did she start young?

capjwats422: Yeah young and foolish. That was Harry.

holmes.sherlock: I needed it, to quiet my head.

capjwats422: She isn’t nearly as bright as you. Most people aren’t. But that’s how she explains it too. Sort of.

holmes.sherlock: I didn’t want my mother to see it. She’s older than you might think. She was 39 when she had me.

capjwats422: Wow. I don’t think she’ll mind? She knows right?

holmes.sherlock: The neighbors didn’t. It’d be a lot easier if they were like me. Not caring that is. She’ll cry for sure. God damn it all. I’ll have to call.

capjwats422: it’s okay you know, if you care

holmes.sherlock: I don’t.

capjwats422: it’s okay if you did

holmes.sherlock: I have an internet usage limit here. I used part of it to watch the TV thing. I’ll have to logoff in a few minutes.

capjwats422: if she calls you pick up

holmes.sherlock: I always do, John.

capjwats422: only family calls allowed there?

holmes.sherlock: Pretty much. Given the media hype. Even when I get out I’ll stay in France a bit longer. The french translation hasn’t quite taken off yet.

capjwats422: There’s still time.

holmes.sherlock: I don’t have a car. When I’m able to return could you pick me up at the airport? As a matter of necessity? I’d prefer not to use public transport.

capjwats422: yeah I’ll be there

holmes.sherlock: Thank you.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John always regrets talking to his sister. He really does. Because like it or not she's always right.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** A Response

**Message:**

I thought a lot about what to say to the last thing you sent me. I know we talked since but it's been rubbing me the wrong way your confession just lying here. You deserve a response.

I'm not good at the emotions thing you might be surprised to know. Given my old genre and all. I just don't like risk. But you took one. I owe it to you. That's something I am good at I like to think. Being fair.

I don't care that you were an addict. Should I? Maybe? But fact is I don't. It doesn't matter. I've never met anyone like you anyway so there's nothing to compare it with. My mum used to say not to judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes and I won't make an opinion on something I simply don't understand enough.

If you would want though. You could tell me. Just putting that out there. It helps me a lot to write stuff out. Tell stories. Just my two cents. And I wouldn't use any of it for the book. There's things we've talked about that I'll never put in there. About us both. You could tell me anything you wanted. Or nothing.

I don't know what happened to bring this on. Nor do I expect to ever know. But I'll tell you why I was up all night before the interview. I was angry. Someone close to you had to spill. That wasn't right. And it's stupid but I lost sleep over it. It wasn't because I was shocked or horrified or mad at you.

I think you do care, Sherlock. When I broke up with Mary I cared so much I almost didn't know how to go on. What to do. What could I do? My life, the woman I thought was the woman of my dreams changed in a flash. I tried to deny it. I wrote a book about it. But it still hurts. Almost as much as the war. And I've watched people die. I don't talk about the war with anyone, if that means something to you. I hope it does.

The book is progressing. Your plotlines are brilliant as always. I'm working on some character development, some failed romances for Conan, some humor. I'll keep you updated.

 

Always your friend,

John Watson

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: A Response

**Message:**

If I told anyone it would be you John, do not doubt it. But right now I can't. I must warn you there's a good chance that I never shall.

You've never met me but you seem to grasp me better than these wretched therapists. Educated people John, with ph.Ds. All the ph.Ds. in the world can't cure an idiot. I have proof.

I was surprised when you defended me on television. Genuinely. But you're right. You're good at being fair.

Why was Mary the woman of your dreams? Do you still meet? Tell me everything, unless you want boredom and silence to slowly take me and leave you alone.

It does mean something to me that you talk about the war in these emails and our chats. And in fact since you do I'll tell you my real secret if you like. I care just a little.

 

Most sincerely yours,

Sherlock Holmes

***

 **From:**  capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your email ID is ridiculous change it

**Message:**

First of all if you laugh at me I'm never speaking to you again.

Okay. Here goes.

How did you know you were gay? Like I've found men attractive before I guess? (Stop sniggering right now) But I'm at a bit of loss. And your being gay should do me some good for a change (how come I was so much better at lying to mum for your sake than for mine? oh yes because you threatened me I remember).

Your desperate little brother,

Johnny

***

 **From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Your email ID is ridiculous change it

**Message:**

You must really be desperate to sign off as Johnny. I still have the outline of the bruise from when you wrestled me cause I was still calling you that. For future reference 11 year old little brothers should not physically attack their 16 year old older sisters no matter how much taller, more muscular and generally more fabulous said sister might be. Anyway, you'll always be Johnny to me.

I laughed a little. Actually a lot. I'm sorry. I do love you though. And I will try and help you. But who's going to help mum now that both her babies are gay? GASP. Dishonor on the Watsons part 2.

In all seriousness though, what brought this on? Particular someone? Looking forward to your next installment of Scott by the way. Good job baby brother. I always knew you'd make me proud.

You can change this email ID over my dead body. It's great. You know you called me 'Harry Berry' for years before you got too old for it. You got too old for a lot of things too quick. Yet not others. I'm still not letting go of the thumb sucking till age 4, and the special blanket till 6, the nightlight till 10 and I swear to god I know Mr.Fluffy's still in your old room at mum and dad's to this day. Better hope the tabloids don't call me for dirt on the famous John Hamish Watson. ;)

 

Your doting and exotically beautiful sister,

Harry Berry

***

_harrywatsonberry is online_

_capjwats422 is online_

 

harrywatsonberry: Johnny you on?

capjwats422: Harry please

harrywatsonberry: John

capjwats422: It’s not what you think at all, it’s not me that’s having a crisis it’s one of my fictional characters

harrywatsonberry: That has to be one of the most stupid lies you’ve ever told me and you’ve told me plenty

capjwats422: will you help me, how often do I ask?

harrywatsonberry: Well never

capjwats422: right so how do you know?

harrywatsonberry: It’s been a long time but you’ve asked me this question before

capjwats422: no I haven’t

harrywatsonberry: When we were kids you asked me how you know that you like a girl and when you were with that godawful Mary you asked me how to know whether you were in love

capjwats422: that’s different

harrywatsonberry: no it’s not dummy

capjwats422: why not? of course it’s different

harrywatsonberry: love is love John, and you know it when you feel it, no one else can explain it to you, you don’t love someone for their genitals do you?

capjwats422: that’s rich coming from someone who had sex with 4 different girls in 1 spring break

harrywatsonberry: that’s not love Johnny that’s love making, I thought you were a big boy now and knew the difference

capjwats422: so this character feels really close to this other character but, I mean I don’t know if I can go there

harrywatsonberry: showing two people who happen to both be the same gender falling in love isn’t going ‘there’, there isn’t like a gay island off the coast of Timbuktu, relax would you?

capjwats422: easy for you to say

harrywatsonberry: you know it was never easy

capjwats422: yeah sorry

harrywatsonberry: Is it sherlock?

capjwats422: no, this is a fictional character, he lives with a guy who’s brilliant and dynamic and interesting and basically the most fascinating person ever--incredibly annoying at times but he can’t live without him, and I don’t know if I should put them together

harrywatsonberry: would this character then, let’s say die for the other one?

capjwats422: yes

harrywatsonberry: physical attraction?

capjwats422: on one end I can confirm

harrywatsonberry: If they are both actually fictional characters shouldn’t you know both ends?

capjwats422: I have to develop their characters organically, you wouldn’t understand, it’s writer’s craft, they’re decisions aren’t REALLY mine to make at all

harrywatsonberry: bullshit it’s Sherlock

capjwats422: harry I’m warning you

harrywatsonberry: oh what are you going to do to me? no. listen to me. this is William and Arthur right? who are based on you and Sherlock?

capjwats422: you watch my interviews and actually read my books

harrywatsonberry: yeah my idiot brother’s on the television screen and actually making something of his life and I care, how very shocking

capjwats422: it’s not like that harry

harrywatsonberry: it’s exactly like that, you think you’re attracted to him, and you’re scared, and you want me to tell you you’re not, but I won’t

capjwats422: I can’t be attracted to someone I’ve never even met

harrywatsonberry: it’s not that, it bothers you that you’re attracted to him and he’s a MAN you’ve never met, you’re afraid of what might happen to you

_capjwats422 is offline_

harrywatsonberry: John, you’re better than this

harrywatsonberry: John I swear to god

_harrywatsonberry is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The suggestions for ship names were excellent. I'm still a bit torn but probably Willthur. You guys are going to love the eventual face to face. I am so devious.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet.

_C:\\\My Documents\Personal Files\Written Works\John Watson\Detectivestory.doc_

_Chapter 5 (tentative) - Rewrite 3_

_William was sitting there like always, his hands steepled beneath his chin. Arthur found his mind wandering to subjects normally reserved only for late at night when the other man was asleep. It was only at night that he could be sure that those penetrating blue eyes (were they blue or green?) weren’t actually reading his comparatively simple mind, discovering the unspoken meaning behind every thump of his heart, and seeing the secret, singular desire of his soul. It was at once the most bitter and most sweet irony Arthur had ever known. That William should know so much but not know this: that Arthur was selfish. He did not accompany him on cases and tolerate his moods and laugh and talk with him because it was the duty of a friend. He did it without even thinking. And why? Because after all this time Arthur had been letting his mind wander to subjects it shouldn’t. How William’s mouth might feel beneath his. The warmth of their hands intertwined. Being the first thing that genius saw when he woke up and the last he saw before he fell asleep. It was folly, Arthur knew. Yet too late to fix. Even god cannot recall a die already cast. William Scott was a difficult man to speak to, a difficult man to befriend, and a difficult person to spend all one’s days and nights. Despite all this. Or maybe because of it. Arthur found himself desperately in love with him._

  
***

_http://www.thenewton.com/literarycriticisms/newhouse/242098.com_

John Watson's addiction to fame--a literary critique of the Adventures of William Scott

Angela Newhouse

 

...Miss Morstan then remarked that he had taken real instances from their lives together and sold them to make a profit. Petite and blonde, and recently of frail health, Morstan protested that the story was "as much mine to tell as his" and suspected he was "swindling" Mr. Holmes in the same manner. Representatives of Watson declined to comment.

"John has no literary talent at all, I think. He takes real people's secrets. And they'll tell him because he seems sincere enough, I should know, I was engaged to him before he left me for a richer girl. He then retells them and packages the story and goes. I'm sure poor Mr. Sherlock Holmes doesn't even realized he's being used. As far as I'm concerned he's a cheat and a liar." She said after welcoming me into her charming country home...

***

_http://www.thenewton.com/selectedresponses/SherlockHolmes/234-trendingnow-3.com_

A Vindication of John Watson

Sherlock Holmes

 

I will not address the matter of the former relationship between Miss Morstan and John Watson but to say that I believe him to be an honorable man. I simply wish to correct the entirely false and insipid assumption that he "swindled" my life to write the Scott novels that are responsible for elevating him to great fame.

A person cannot steal something that has been given. That much is a fact. All similarities between myself and William Scott and events recounted in his adventures that bear resemblance to those of my own life are there because I want them to be. What is mine is John's entirely.

I am no expert, as Ms.Newhouse claims to be, though even I know writers take inspiration from their lives to make their books. Hemingway and Fitzgerald were cheats if John Watson is. And it is fine company with which to be beaten into the ground.

Furthermore the public should be aware of Ms. Newhouse's longstanding feud with Mr.Watson borne out of childish petulance at being denied thrice a critic of the year award for which Mr.Watson had the unhappy responsibility for thrice being the judge. I myself love critiquing and could joyfully make a profession out of it, by writing loud and obnoxious articles about Ms.Newhouse's extramarital affair with MP Ken Tibbiths. Her race based recent dismissal of three maids of latin American origin. The lewd behavior of her eldest drunken son who recently was sent to prison a third time for aggravated assault. Her refusal to speak to her youngest daughter Ashley for having married one Mr. Syed Mohammed. But I would not make a profession out of destroying the work of others. It's fun the first time I suppose. But I have too much self respect and need better exercise for the mind than visiting the country houses of a stranger's jilted former friends and deducing what I may from them. Still, the lemonade I had at Miss Ashley's villa in France was excellent. We sipped it on the balcony, and she, a far more comely person than one might expect remarked that she had "never met a more vindictive shrew than my own mother and if you ever see her tell her to put down her self righteous pen".

Ms Newhouse, with all due respect, listen to your daughter and cease trifling with me.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I'm coming back

**Message:**

What should I look for? Will you be there?

\--Sherlock

_Files attached: flightdetails.doc (27 KB)_

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I'm coming back

**Message:**

I dunno. Should I wave a flag? Wear a fetching yellow hat?

I read what you wrote. You think I won't come?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **Subject:** RE: RE: I’m coming back

**Message:**

That’s why I asked. I need you to come.   

\--Sherlock

***

_holmes.sherlock is online_

_capjwats422 is online_

 

capjwats422: Sherlock of course I’m going to come

holmes.sherlock: Thank you. Was it so hard to confirm it to me?

capjwats422: You actually thought I would leave you? After everything you’ve done?

holmes.sherlock: What have I done?

capjwats422: Sherlock, that article was pure gold.

holmes.sherlock: I enjoy lambasting people. Especially idiots who love the feel of their own nonsense in print. It was no trouble. Besides, you have no reason to come get me, and people tend to act towards their own convenience.

capjwats422: when he left you was he acting for his own convenience?

holmes.sherlock: Of course he was, people always do, don’t you get it, the world operates on selfishness, it’s how I solve crime, it’s how William Scott solves crimes and sells thousands of books, out of a million potential courses of action a person will always take the most selfish one and that’s how you go from A to B to C to Z within a few seconds, otherwise you could never do it.

capjwats422: where do you live?

holmes.sherlock: 221B Baker Street, you’re putting it into mapquest aren’t you, getting the distance from your place to the airport to mine back to yours.

capjwats422: yes genius I am

holmes.sherlock: I have the map practically memorized, where do you live?

capjwats422: 44 Briar, it’s not really in the city

holmes.sherlock: It’s highly inconvenient to come from there to the airport and to Baker Street and back, I can understand if you want to cancel, that’s at least 3 hours of driving in one day.

capjwats422: in the nicest way Sherlock I don’t really care

holmes.sherlock: Why?

capjwats422: you said you need me

holmes.sherlock: I said I needed you to come. They’re not the same.

capjwats422: I know

holmes.sherlock: I’m not saying I don’t.

capjwats422: what are you saying then?

holmes.sherlock: I need to see you with my own eyes. Deduce everything there is to know about you. I need it like air. Like I once needed cocaine. Screw your convenience. Even if it is inconvenient, come anyway.

capjwats422: Sherlock everything about this is inconvenient, the emails, the midnight chatting, the never being able to meet, and you yourself are probably the most inconvenient sort of person I’ve ever met, and you know what I still don’t care

holmes.sherlock: You’ve lost me.

capjwats422: I’ll be at the airport at your convenience and anywhere else you would want me to be

holmes.sherlock: I might not be as you expected.

capjwats422: I know what you look like

holmes.sherlock: Idiot. Not like that.

capjwats422: I’m not expecting William Scott.

holmes.sherlock: He lives in a book. I’m flesh and blood.

capjwats422: you said in the article that what’s yours was entirely mine

holmes.sherlock: Dramatic effect.

capjwats422: I see.

holmes.sherlock: Anything in particular you would want?

capjwats422: your trust

holmes.sherlock: You have it already.

capjwats422: you were gone for a long time

holmes.sherlock: It wasn’t that long.

capjwats422: felt long

holmes.sherlock: Must we feel everything?

capjwats422: you said you care ‘a little’

holmes.sherlock: Like I said, I am human.

capjwats422: I’d never screw you over for my convenience you know

holmes.sherlock: It’s human nature, John.

capjwats422: I’m making a sign with your name on it.

holmes.sherlock: How can you? The printer is jammed. Highly inconvenient.

capjwats422: Maybe I like it that way.

holmes.sherlock: You’ll get ink all over your hands. It’s not worth fixing. Not worth your time.

capjwats422: I’ll decide what’s worth my time. And everything is worth fixing.

holmes.sherlock: You wanted to send it back when you first contacted me.

capjwats422: It’s grown on me.

holmes.sherlock: Is that so?

capjwats422: And I can’t toss it. It was a present from my sister.

holmes.sherlock: Sentiment. You’ve become attached.

capjwats422: I believe I have. Now I have to get going

holmes.sherlock: Why?

capjwats422: I’m going to go get ink all over my hands and bask in the inconvenience.

_capjwats422 is offline_

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

***

_facebook.com/groups/scotties/432908/3243.com_

**Willthurlife posted:** DOUBLE AUTHOR SIGHTING. I was expecting my Aunt Helen at the airport when I saw none other than John Watson waiting behind the railing at the arrival terminal. He was holding a white piece of paper with the word SHERLOCK printed on it, though the ink was weirdly smeared (you would think an author would have a better printer but that's beside the point). I somehow worked up the nerve and asked for his autograph and he signed a receipt for me after digging it out of his pocket. In case anyone cares, he bought some eggs from Tesco. I was going to stay and talk but he seemed sorta jittery and not in the mood to talk so I let him be. The flight was a few minutes late, I saw him checking his watch and I was sure he was looking for Sherlock Holmes. Holmes came out of the gate later and I swear he stared straight at me (those eyes **swoons**, no wonder they say he used to be some sort of model) before walking towards John. They were sort of shy at first, as if each didn't quite believe the other was there. They stood and talked for a bit and I waved over my aunt while I was watching them. I couldn't see John's face at that point but Sherlock was smiling like anything. He's only ever smirked on television. I've never seen a smile from him and especially not one like that. He was staring at John so intensely. No wonder some people say they're secretly in love with each other. A few men in suits then hopped over the railing and shepherded Sherlock away. Which was really, really weird. John hung around a bit. I asked him if he was alright and he said yes but he didn't look it. My aunt and I left the terminal and bought coffee. I saw him there again a few minutes later. He sat at a table alone.

***

_Blackwood Private Security Corp._

_Client: Mycroft Holmes, Assistant Director - Coltech Corporation U.K._

_Report #283737_

**Assignment description:** "Deliver Sherlock to his apartment out of view of the press and with minimum public interaction"

**Assignment notes:**

Head officer Lester Harrison noted the following:

Assignment was completed in a timely fashion as charge was delivered to destination without significant** incident at 7:44 pm. Public interaction was minimal with the exception of a single conversation with one John H. Watson (threat level n/a, civilian, unarmed). This was observed from a distance. Conversation lasted approximately 2 minutes 42 seconds. Transcript of conversation is as follows:

(Dashes indicate words that could not be determined from the chosen distance, -- is correlated to one word)

Watson 6:54 You're taller than I expected.

Charge 6:54 It's the coat.

Watson 6:54 I -- -- -- you did. Can't believe -- actually --.

Charges 6:54 Car's used. Your father's? Haven't had a bit to eat since breakfast. You were going to go running later but cancelled when you remembered me. Up late writing last night. Contacted your sister recently. Stubbed your toe. New razor. You cut your hair yesterday. This is a new sweater. You ironed these pants. These are the best shoes you own. And I've said too much?

Watson 6:55 You're better than Scott.

Charge 6:55 -- --- -- -- compliment?

Watson 6:55 Your -- is better than I had imagined.

Charge 6:55 You imagined it?

Watson 6:55 Not at -- length. But yeah.

Charge 6:56 I'll narrate -- --. If we ever have time for that.

Watson 6:56 I hope we --. It's like I've -- -- forever.

Charge 6:56 Dinner? I know a place called --. Near where I live.

At this stage two of our men on the ground ushered charge to our car. Watson grabbed brief hold of charge's exposed wrist underneath watch but made no further move to resist.

_**Within the car charge cursed and physically protested his being manhandled, though this did not cause significant stress to our officers, though it may be noted in this officer’s log that several unneeded revelations about several members of the team was a minor cause for concern_

***

_harrywatsonberry is online_

_capjwats422 is online_

 

harrywatsonberry: Here to apologize?

capjwats422: sort of, I picked him up from the airport, a lot happened, it’s sort of hard to process

harrywatsonberry: Did you sleep with him?

capjwats422: no

harrywatsonberry: Did you kiss him?

capjwats422: no

harrywatsonberry: Did you have dinner with him?

capjwats422: almost, before his brother’s guards showed up, it’s the strangest thing

harrywatsonberry: What the hell did you do? Hold his hand?

capjwats422: we talked for about two minutes, and before he left I grasped his right wrist

harrywatsonberry: ...that’s it

capjwats422: his arm was so warm, it was odd

harrywatsonberry: oooh warm wrist touching, you should be more careful next time, you know they say wrist touching doesn’t lead to anything good

capjwats422: I can’t stop thinking about his face

harrywatsonberry: you touched his face too?

capjwats422: no I didn’t, it’s just that he looks so young, and in those two minutes his entire personality hit me at once and the emails I’ve been getting it’s just like a muted version of it, like I’ve been going about seeing him in greyscale all this time, and then those two minutes of color

harrywatsonberry: you’re doing the thing again, write about it

capjwats422: you know I’ve spent more time thinking about his wrist than I have about a woman’s well...

harrywatsonberry: you really want to start a discussion with ME on the physical charms of women?

capjwats422: I don’t

harrywatsonberry: are you attracted to him John?

capjwats422: you tell me, all I know is I thought two minutes were too short but so would have been a lifetime

***

_C:\\\My Documents\Personal Files\Written Works\John Watson\Detectivestory.doc_

_Chapter 5 (tentative) - Rewrite 4_

_Arthur had grown to like William when the other man first carelessly laid bare all his secrets with barely a glance. He had grown to care for him when he shot and killed a man for his sake. He had agreed to live with him after they chased a serial killer together. He had become William's only friend after William had drugged him. He became his best friend when they had slept side by side in a hotel in Baskerville. So it was not surprising that he also realized that he had fallen in love in the oddest of ways. By a meeting with his eyes. And the lightest caress of his wrist._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They won't be meeting again for a bit, sorry! Some of the dashed words are harder to get than others.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock chats with Jim.

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I apologize for my brother

**Message:**

I was not in any way aware that my brother would send an armed escort to retrieve me. Believe me when I say I was not pleased. I can imagine it was somewhat distressing for you as well. 

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I apologize for my brother

**Message:**

It’s not a problem. Harry’s done more embarrassing things to me. At my seventh birthday party she dragged my stuffed animals though the hall and I was forced to come to their defense. I didn’t live that down for an entire school year. Can’t believe I’m telling you that.

Took me by surprise for sure, but with you I’m almost expecting surprises. If that makes any sense. And yeah, it doesn’t, but it’s fine.

In one of your earlier emails you asked me why Mary was my dream woman, or why I thought she was anyway. I thought about it. And I think it’s because she gave me a sense of being more normal than I really am. Not to say that I’m anything extraordinary, I’m more or less a typical bloke. But what she represented, I suppose, I was in love with it. Nowadays I’m not exactly sure what I want.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE:RE: I apologize for my brother

**Message:**

I think I understand what you mean. You don’t strike me as particularly normal either, I tire of normal people very quickly. They’re like used kleenex, just there, ridiculous soft and a bit snotty but not really of any practical use.

What does Conan want? I'd imagine for you it's the same. 

Did you used to operate on your stuffed animals? Since you informed me early your ambition towards medicine began rather early. The image is amusing.

Though I abhor him Mycroft has his reasons. When he suspects I’m in danger of relapsing his regard for my feelings approaches nil.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I apologize for my brother

**Message:**

I did operate on my teddy bear once yeah. Mum was furious. Dad had brought him back for me when he went on a work trip to Thailand. I can still imagine her now shaking her ladle, Eugenia Watson was a fearsome woman.

I don’t think isolating you is going to do you any good. Person like you is too brilliant for conventional therapy. But what do I know right?

Next installment is coming along well enough. Moff wants to see romance, I’ll hold strong for you.

\--John

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Dear Sherlock

**Message:**

Hi! :D

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** ??

**Message:**

Cease contacting this address or I will trace your IP address and process a report.

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Expected better…

**Message:**

No can do! This is untraceable...Don’t be too >:( about it. My this is fun. No wonder you do it so often with John.

Really though Sherlock you should be thanking me, all those cases I put into your lap gave you exactly the material you needed! Now I’m just asking for something in return.

XOXO

\--Jim

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Expected better…

**Message:**

What could you possibly ask of me? I’ve played your game, and I’ve lost my taste for it.

If it’s money you want, power, fame, ask my brother.

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Expected better…

**Message:**

Honestly Sherlock I’m disappointed in you, I could have all of that in a heartbeat but that’s boring...a dull man’s dream :(

No, I want you. I want to burn the <3 out of you.

All my love,

James

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Expected better...

**Message:**

I’ve been reliably informed that I don’t have one.

***

_jim is online_

jim: Gave you my IM, thought you might message…

_holmes.sherlock is online_

holmes.sherlock: Right, so basic premise: I give you whatever you desire or you execute some threat against me. This will never work, I have no fear of dying. So you have failed.

jim: DYING?! No, no, dear...I will kill you eventually :( but now’s too soon.

holmes.sherlock: Why the sudden urge to destroy me?

jim: No reason :p It was fun to play with you for a while, and once I have to go back to the normal people FML, it’s going to be BORING, but you should know better than anyone, being an author and all, every fairytale needs a good old fashioned villain, even Scott has a nemesis, what’s his name again?

holmes.sherlock: Richard Brook. So what’s it going to be? My dignity? I already lost that. Perhaps you haven’t heard. I’m an irresponsible cocaine addict that’s a bad influence on children.

jim: Your publishing fictionalized accounts of your valiant fight against my criminal activities was amusing to me for a while but I must say now the stories have grown a bit...tiresome…

holmes.sherlock: I fail to see how I can be of any assistance.

jim: Kill William Scott.

holmes.sherlock: Or what will you do?

jim: I’ll kill John Watson.

_jim is offline_

***

_ C:\\\My Documents\WordFiles\InRelationToWScott\CoverLetterDraft _

_To be sent to BBC Publishing house:_

_I, Sherlock Holmes, wish to solo publish an installment of the adventures of William Scott. It would be the latest in the continuity and continue the canon from the title not yet in print but shortly to debut, 'The Hounds of Baskerville' which was written in partnership between myself and John Watson._

_It is my wish that he not be informed of my intention to publish this latest installment at any point during its writing or editing period. It shall be from the 3rd person perspective of William Scott rather than Arhur Conan, though I will emulate the writing style John has used throughout the series for consistency..._

***

_ C:\\\My Documents\WordFiles\InRelationToWScott\TheReichenbachFall _

_The Reichenbach Fall_

_by Sherlock Holmes_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twists and turns yet to come...


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Baker Street

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Anything new?

**Message:**

I haven't heard from you in a while. Busy with a case?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Anything new?

**Message:**

How I dearly wish that that were the truth of it. I'm under house arrest in a manner of speaking. I get text messages from Scotland Yard with images of evidence and try to do what I can, but Mycroft has made it so I can't leave the flat. He thinks I should limit my public exposure as far as possible in light of the allegations, and given my recent fame. It's been a week. I shall die if I have to go any longer. I should have emailed you sooner.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Anything new?

**Message:**

I wish I could help. But I don't suppose there's anyway I can see you now that you're confined to your flat. No matter. I'll try to entertain you as best I can.

I went to an exhibition of Scott fanworks yesterday. It was...something. Not everything was my taste of course, but I applaud the efforts.

Writing is slowing down a bit. The snippets of their daily life (William and Arthur's that is), non case related, well I'm sort of running out. I usually take them from my interactions over the web with you but we haven't talked really since the airport incident. I'm not complaining, I just thought you should know how much you do contribute to the writing process even without knowing it. Sending me ten emails in a row and spamming my inbox when I don't reply, I write that in as a William Scott tantrum. Now I'm rambling, anyway.

Let me know what a good time would be to chat. I'll regale you with stories of my day and try not to put you to sleep.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE:RE:RE: Anything new?

**Message:**

You are unfortunately correct. Short of moving in with me there's nothing you can do to see me in person given my current restrictions. And I have a room upstairs but would you really want to do that? Hardly likely. I hate my brother, I really do.

I do not throw tantrums. You are simply being slow.

9 works.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE:RE:RE:RE: Anything new?

**Message:**

I would pay some of the rent of course. I don't stand for free loading.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** You really want to do this?

**Message:**

You realize I wasn't being serious. There's so many reasons why you shouldn't live with me:

1) I'm me

2) People already think we're gay for each other. And that's bothers you, correct?

3) I keep body parts in the fridge

4) We've only met once.

It would never work.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I really do

**Message:**

Come on. It's a storybook solution, literally. Scott and Conan are flatmates. I could go out and get evidence for you. You could be less bored. I'd have more Scott material.

And your reasons aren't even a problem for me:

1) I like you

2) People talk. Let them. They would talk anyway. Fact of fame. We're just friends and we know that.

3) You can stop doing that.

4) We write each other novels worth of emails.

You know you want to.

\--John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** On the matter of your living with Sherlock

**Message:**

It has come to my attention that you plan to move in with Sherlock the Monday after next after you've had time to gather your possessions and surrender your current lease.

No doubt it appears strange to you the interest and what may seem to you overprotectiveness I exhibit toward Sherlock. The contents of this message will hopefully clarify that for you.

I am seven years elder to him. It was lucky that I am the eldest for my parents, ordinary people, had had sufficient practice in the process of raising children of abnormal capacity. Yet he was altogether different from me and required special attentions while I required none. Sherlock was fitful, prone to crying, prone to sickness, easily engrossed and easily distracted. And most regrettably: easily attached. His immense intellect does not shield him from feeling, but makes him prone to feeling everything deeply, including loss and pain, though in recent years I have attempted to temper this tendency by conditioning him to be more like me.

This still is not enough justification I think for a logical person, which you are to a moderate extent, viewing my behavior. So I must of course inform you of three separate incidents that in my mind do provide sufficient justification. Knowing full well the trust he places in you I am reasonably assured you will not communicate them to anyone. Nevertheless, I shall inform you the consequences will be severe if you do.

When he was nine years old his favored companion was our family pet, an old dog dubbed Redbeard. They would spend hours together and I am sure he had no other friends. When it died, as I had warned him it eventually would, he was broken. For thirteen months he did not speak a word. On his own he grew morbidly fascinated with the idea of death. Reading medical textbooks at the local bookstore and performing bizarre dissections of insects and lizards in our yard. We took him to a facility that I believed could help him, but this was also a mistake. They could not understand him. I myself took off school for two months and devoted myself to reviving him and retraining him to my own worldview. I thought after that he should be fine.

When he was sixteen he went off to Uni the first time. I had recommended his admission to Oxford, where he is currently still enrolled, doing more specialized work. There he met a young gentleman named Victor Trevor who spun for him tales of the world he had traveled. Silvery haired fellow. I met him more than a few times. He was an excellent speaker, dynamic, bold, and how he doted on my brother. For eight months they were seldom apart. Sherlock told me quite arrogantly how wrong I had been, how wonderful it was to love and be in love. I was willing to let him believe this, I didn't see any harm befalling him. Yet within a few weeks I saw a change come over him. Victor, I observed, had stopped coming to see my brother during the day, yet made continued requests for money. At some point I think Sherlock refused and Victor left him. He was again distraught and more than happy to receive Victor two weeks afterward at which point he forced himself on my increasingly unstable brother. To my knowledge Sherlock had up to that point been a virgin. Victor then left him again, with the intention to marry a woman of noble family in central Europe, an arrangement I ensured did not come to fruition. Sherlock, by the way, did not directly tell me any of this, I have pieced it together in the aftermath. Instead of falling into silence he turned to drugs. The rest of which you know.

The third incident occurred just prior to this relapse upon meeting Victor again in London. Showing himself once again incapable of restraining his emotions or dealing with the realities of human attachment yet again. I doubt he shall ever be capable of a normal relationship.

Now, knowing this, tell me. Surely you would not wish to share quarters with such a man? Since he is incapable of thinking toward his own good, perhaps you, his self-professed friend, should do for him.

Awaiting your reply,

Mycroft Holmes

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: On the matter of your living with Sherlock

**Message:**

After I read this I was speechless. Really. For a good few minutes. You and Sherlock you think you know people so well, you can figure them out in a single glance. Do you really think I didn't suspect any of that? I know him better than you think. He's told me things himself. He does trust me.

Was some of it news to me? Yes. Does it explain a lot? Yeah. But it doesn't change how I feel about him. I'm not that shallow.

We all have our demons Mycroft. My dad once beat my mum with the backside of frying pan and I won't forget it till the day I die. But that's not something I would want someone else to find out about me the way I read your email about Sherlock. I think you do mean well. But you're right. You two are different. Your way didn't help him. Maybe I can.

\--John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** A proposition

**Message:**

Your point has merit. I have reconsidered. If you abide by the following conditions I will permit you to live with him:

1) You must not inform him of your contact with me

2) You must not kiss him, or enter into any kind of romantic liaison whatsoever, as it would no doubt contribute to his characteristic instability

3) There will be limited camera/audio surveillance in the living quarters (excepting the bedrooms and bathrooms) to make sure the preceding conditions are being met (he is already aware of the surveillance and in reluctant compliance)

4) I will expect weekly reports from you on his well being with regard to a potential relapse

Is this amenable to you?

Awaiting your reply,

Mycroft Holmes

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Return offer

**Message:**

Okay, well. Not spying on him for you, sorry. I'll let you know only if the situation absolutely calls for it. If he's reluctantly complied with the cameras I suppose I can. Though it's pretty messed up and weird. Just putting that out there. Also, my condition, let him go outside, I'll be with him.

Why would I possibly want to kiss him?

\--John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** It's agreed

**Message:**

I accept your terms and will hold you to mine.

All the more excellent that you don't want to, Dr.Watson, I just thought I'd stipulate just in case.

As to your previous assertion that you could help him in where I failed, I do not hold high hopes, but you are welcome to try.

Do not reply,

Mycroft Holmes


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living in close quarters only heightens the inexplicable attraction.

_Blackwood Security Corporation_

_Surveillance Report ID#9387_

_Supervising officer: Terence Clant_

_Observing officers: Katherine Riley, Emmett Allister, Sally Donovan_

_Client: Mycroft Holmes_

_Selected Transcripts for Review on Grounds of Possible Cohabitance Contract Breach between Client and J.H.Watson_

_Dates: 9/17/2010 -- 11/27/2010_

_Audio to text service provided the following transcript:_

Date: 9/17/2010

J- That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever done

S- And you invaded Afghanistan

((Multiple persons laughter))

(Observing officer noted possible suggestive staring)

Date: 9/29/2010

J- He's your brother

S- He's a meddling egomaniac that's what he is

J- It's not like Harry and I always get along

S- Fascinating John, tell me does your sister even possess the necessary resources to hire a private security firm to bug your flat?

J- Okay. Got me there.

S- I'm right. I'm always right. Should simply get used to it.

J- Yeah alright. Not completely though. No family's going to be perfect.

S- Oh yes, I know. I can read it in your face, your mannerisms, how you react to sudden noises.

J- What? What do see?

S- You're upset.

J- Clever.

S- John.

J- Don't look at me like that.

S- Like what?

J- I don't know. Um. Like you're full to bursting with something and you can't say it. I know you don't mean it like that. I'd just rather you wouldn't deduce that particular--

S- Okay John.

J- Just like that?

S- Just like that.

Date: 10/14/2010

J- Sherlock.

S- Yes? What? Did you run home in a hurricane? Oh, no nevermind. I, John--

J- He's dead. Of an untreated sinus infection. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. George Watson died of a cold Sherlock...can you believe it?

((J laughs))

S- John are you sure you're alright?

J- Never been better.

S- You're definitely drunk. I was referring to your emotional state, which I cannot ascertain.

J- Why not? Come on. Deduce me like one of your dead girls.

S- John I'm, um, what do they say...well...really sorry about your father.

J- I hated him, Sherlock. I'm happy a bit. Does that make me bad?

S- John.

J- I've noticed you do that. You just say my name sometimes as a stand in for other words. What's that about?

S- John I really must insist.

J- Am I a bad man Sherlock? Bible...bible says honor thy father. He's dead, and I'm laughing...

((J laughs))

S- Your reaction is rational.

J- Such a cold response. Sherlock. There I can use your name like you use mine.

S- John.

J- You're doing it again. Why do you do that?

S- You laugh because you don't know what to do. You went and got drunk because you were upset and angry and happy at once. I say your name when I don't have any other words available for what I want.

J- I know what you're saying though. It's in your eyes. You're not a bad man, John, you're saying it.

S- J-John.

J- Can't stop can you?

S- Go to bed.

J- Your hands are cold. I'm getting up don't hurry me along.

S- Yes?

J- Sherlock.

S- What was that one supposed to mean?

J- Figure it out.

Date: 10/24/2010

J- Thanks for coming with me yesterday.

S- Yes. Wasn't a problem.

J- Glad we didn't see any fans.

S- Small chance of that. Favor I asked of Mycroft.

J- For me?

S- No. For me. Any side benefit you incurred is a purely harmless effect of the matter.

J- Of course.

10/25/2010

S- Sorry about that.

J- You fell asleep, it's fine.

S- Right. I just. Your face. Some complex thought. That's rare.

J- Thanks.

S- Bit not good?

J- Two months from now it'll be Christmas.

S- That is accurate yes.

J- He was always worst around then. I um...hated the holiday.

S- You aren't going home this time around are you?

J- No are you and Mycroft?

S- No.

J- Just us then.

S- I can show you at least a moderately happy christmas John. Have a little faith.

J- I'll be surprised if you even remember.

10/29/2010

J- Sherlock, your hair...how did you?

S- Experiment. Brush it out.

J- You don't actually want me to-

S- Do it.

J- This might hurt.

S- Ow!

J- Hold still. You're like a squirming cat.

S- Aaaah!

J- Sherlock quit moving around.

S- Oh god John!

J- Sherlock do you actually want the neighbors to think we're having sex?

((S laughs))

((J laughs))

S- Right.

J- It's really soft.

S- Brilliant observation John.

J- No seriously. You're quite vain about it. I know you are.

S- John.

J- Yeah I know.

S- I only said your name.

J- The science of deduction.

11/11/2010

J- This is...Sherlock. There's blood on the countertops. Human blood?

S- Fish. Atlantic salmon and...um...by the taste this is Tuna.

J- Why is it inside?

S- Study. Relating to the case we investigated up at the shipyard.

J- Sherlock. There is blood...I need some air.

S- Wait. You knew I'd be like this. Don't be all self righteous now. Come on. You can write about it.

J- Even William Scott...

S- I feel slightly-

J- There's so much blood of course you're--but you've never been squeamish before then--you're all warm. Hold on. Let's take you to the bedroom.

S- How can you? There's fish blood all over the floor.

J- Mine then.

11/17/2010

J- Everything back to normal, see?

S- I haven't seen this room in years John.

J- You had the flu. What did you expect?

S- Sod that.

J- I'm just glad you're up and about again.

S- You haven't slept well in days.

J- Your fault.

S- Don't write about this.

J- Wasn't going to.

11/26/2010

S- Why are you so upset?

J- You could have been killed...you never trust me...you never tell me where you're going...I know absolutely nothing.

S- Patently untrue. I tell you exactly what you need to know.

J- No you don't. Think you're so clever. Don't trust me at all. I was worried.

S- Why do you care? Where I go during a case? What happens to me? You need an exciting story.

J- That's not what I want and you know it.

S- I didn't think. I didn't think to tell...

J- Why don't you trust me Sherlock?

S- I do.

J- Prove it.

S- I was in a rush. I was angry.

Case had called to mind a scenario of a personal nature and I panicked. I didn't--I didn't think to tell you where I'd gone.

J- So you just left.

S- Here John.

J- What?

S- Right in this very room.

J- Sherlock what are you--?

S- He came back one night and I don't know whether I asked him or let him or a bit of both but he took me right here where you're standing now and after that day I've found it profoundly difficult to trust anyone again.

J- Um. I don't--quite know...

S- You asked me to prove it. And there it is. You asked and I gave it to you. A piece of my blackened soul.

J- Why do you still live here? You see this room everyday. This spot. Right where I'm standing.

S- Elegance of time I suppose. He was there in the past, and in the present there's you.

J- And the future?

S- Whatever you want.

J- Are you alright?

S- I'm not delicate John, no matter what my meddling brother says or does or thinks or acts.

J- You're not.

S- Then why are you holding me to you like this, if you do not in fact believe that I'm delicate?

J- Maybe I am.

11/27/2010

S- John. Yesterday. Don't write about it?

J- I wasn't going to. I'd never...not about anything if I thought.

S- John you-

J- I have enough material as it is. Your infernal experiments. There's a few lines right there. Your smirk. There's a whole chapter. Your eyes. I could write a whole 'nother book. Um. So like I said. Enough material.

S- Look at me.

J- I am.

S- No, really look.

J- What's going on?

S- Nothing.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Something

**Message:**

That other night when I told you...and then again yesterday. I saw. In your eyes. I don't know. Maybe you do. Maybe you. Something. It's impossible to say. Hard still to type. Sometimes my brother says we see what we're looking for and nothing else.

I know we've always spoken most clearly like this. And seeing as you're at work.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Something

**Message:**

Tell me what you saw, Sherlock.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Something

**Message:**

Sentiment.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas!

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Something

**Message:**

And?

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Something

**Message:**

I...I don't know. If you care about me at all forget I said anything. In my own vernacular, delete it.

***

Coltech Customer Service Catalogue:

Web Order History for Sherlock Holmes

Mailing Address: 221 B Baker Street, London UK

 

Item #2990

Item Description: Multi-colored lights string

Quantity Purchased (4)

Price: 49 pounds

 

Item #3102

Item Description: Artificial fir tree with electric decorative tinsel

Quantity Purchased (1)

Price: 68 pounds

 

Item #2438

Item Description: Limited edition Write-at-Nite pen

Quantity Purchased (5)

Price: 40 pounds

 

Customer Review of Service:

Didn’t really fancy the idea, but with my brother’s manager discount this is practically free.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **Subject:** Happy Christmas

**Message:**

First of all Happy Christmas. My present should be in the mail, it’s okay if you forgot to get me one. Tell me if you like it (if you don’t like it there’s a gift receipt and I’d rather not know what else you buy instead).

It’s a trying time for Mum, thanks for taking her in with you for the holiday. Losing Dad like that can’t have been easy on her...and given the way Sherlock lives I couldn’t have brought her here. And I couldn’t leave him either…

You wouldn’t believe it though. I’m smiling as I’m typing this. I just feel like it’s all a dream. He’s not like this. I swear. He’s not the type. But I came home on the 24th, and he’d decorated the flat. He actually stood up off his arse and did manual work, he brought a tree Harry! And there were lights everywhere and actual presents (I did buy him one it was upstairs). He’d made dinner, I didn’t even think he could do anything in that kitchen except track in blood and blow things up.

I don’t know if I’ve told him I like treacle tart. I probably haven’t. He probably just deduced it. It was amazing. When I came in he took my coat. Sherlock did, Harry. The Sherlock I told you who jumps over road blocks and runs towards danger and sometimes forgets I’m there. Him.

He brought me hot chocolate. That he made. He made hot chocolate Harry. He knows it exists. This is a man that can go for days without food or water Harry. He put marshmallows in it. This is a man who scoffs at all sorts of rituals. All religions, all cultures, all practices not firmly rooted in logic and he played Silent Night on the violin to mark the occasion.

And what a song it was. He plays extremely well. I’ve probably told you before. I’ll just say it again though. It’s brilliant. It truly is. I was surprised that he knew it, but I just kept looking at our flat. It was so clean. It was so warm. And him! He looked...well...anyway…

I’m just. I’ve never had a Christmas this nice in years. Possibly ever. I didn’t think he cared this much. I could see the effort for once. With him you never see the effort. That’s the way he likes it. But just this once I could see. He was trying for something. It was...something else. I’ll tell you the rest later.

Anyway, best wishes again, Give Mum all my love, I’ll call her sometime tomorrow,

John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **Subject:** Please

**Message:**

I saw your little party. Must we get into this same entanglement again?

\--Mycroft

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **Subject:** RE: Please

**Message:**

Is it against the law to entertain in my own flat now? Besides, I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. My quite literal big brother. I purchased the merchandise off of your own catalogue, thought perchance you might enjoy that.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Please

**Message:**

I seldom truly enjoy things. But I’ll let the matter slide, if you were only entertaining a friend as it were. By the way, Happy Christmas to you and a delightful new year.

\--Mycroft

***

_Blackwood Security Corporation_

_Surveillance Report ID#9388_

_Supervising officer: Terence Clant_

_Observing officers: Katherine Riley, Emmett Allister, Sally Donovan_

_Client: Mycroft Holmes_

_Selected Transcripts for Review on Grounds of Possible Cohabitance Contract Breach between Client and J.H.Watson_

_Dates: 11/28/2010 - 12/25/2010_

_Audio to text service provided the following transcript:_

Date: 12/24/2010

J- I still can’t believe...you...all of this.

S- It may seem strange but in the end this like everything else follows a very straight stream of logic, John.

J- What logic is there in this?

S- You’re happy, are you not?

J- Yes.

S- Some more chocolate? You’re thirsty. I can tell. Or nervous, I sometimes get split between both, need to work on the accuracy of my facial readings, though you’re slightly more perplexing than most--

J- I thought sentiment was a chemical defect found on the losing side and here you are, I think, positively indulging in it, you put up these lights yourself didn’t you?

S- I must admit at present I do not feel like I’m losing. I seldom do, you want to play chess with me John, I’ll beat you. Monopoly. Scrabble. Most board games I figure out so easily I tire of them.

J- I don’t doubt it Sherlock.

S- But you do doubt something.

J- Not you.

S- Then?

J- Is it possible for one person to ruin an entire holiday for you and for another person to make you completely forget why you hated it so much anyway? Is it even...I can’t recognize this place, Sherlock. You can play Christmas carols.

S- There’s a great many things I can do that might be singularly unexpected to you John.

J- Do they include being master of the double entendre?

S- That I have always been. Words are the only weapon of a skinny boy with more brains than sense.

J- Words can sometimes hurt the most.

S- What did he say to you, John?

J- To her. Useless cow. Stupid cow. Good-for-nothing. But let’s not. Not today.

S- Why Christmas? More than any other time?

J- He had lost his job. And she pawned her wedding ring to get us some nice things for Christmas. Food and presents and new clothes for school and such. He never forgave her.

S- And you never had a nice Christmas after. Even when there was money.

J- That was the way of it Sherlock.

S- Do you want to hear me play again?

J- Oh god yes.

12/25/2010

S- John. John!

J- Yes...whaa

S- John. Last night you fell asleep on the sofa.

J- What do you want?

S- I realize its a bit early. But I couldn’t really wait any longer for you to see the--

J- Presents. You really are a child sometimes, Sherlock.

S- Hurry up!

J- Yes. Yes. Coming.

S- You first.

J- This isn’t very heavy. I can’t possibly think of what it could be…

S- Just open it. I haven’t the patience to watch you deduce.

J- Write-at-Nite pens.

S- Yes. Now the others.

J- A box set of our books. Clever. Could have waited till I published Hound, but it’s great, really great…

S- You take forever.

J- Oh, Sherlock, I totally forgot…

S- It’s fine. Really. You don’t have to get me a present because I got you--

J- Idiot. It’s upstairs. Really think I’d forget you?

S- Bring it down.

J- See I thought if I kept it down here you’d have deduced what was in it ages ago. It would ruin the surprise.

S- This is...this is…

J- Disgusting.

S- Teeth. Where did you find so many human teeth John? You didn’t go grave robbing did you? No. You wouldn’t.

J- Never mind where I got them. Now you can study to your heart’s content. And there’s something else.

S- Hmm?

J- Should be here right about now...I’ll be right up…

S- A puppy...John...in London? How did you? Oh, he looks just...I can’t even…

J- He belongs to a friend. But he’s going away for the holidays and can’t take Mickey with him.

S- I love dogs John, I don’t know if I told you. I think I did. Long time ago. You remembered.

J- With you it’s hard to forget.

S- It is isn’t it? Hard to forget.

J- What’s wrong?

S- I- I can’t. Maybe Mycroft was right. I’m doing everything all over again.

J- This time it’ll be different.

S- Why John? Why will it be any different? Why shouldn’t I lose? Why John?

J- Sentiment.

(At this point observing officer noted that S & J went into S’s bedroom with the canine and out of surveillance reach)

  


**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **Subject:** Christmas

**Message:**

This Christmas, what does it mean?

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **Subject:** RE: Christmas

**Message:**

A Happy Christmas means a Happy New Year, Sherlock. Simple correlation.

\--John

P.S. Try not to dash off after murderers in the night and we can watch the ball drop together. Would you like that?

P.P.S. I think you would.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Sherlock's old emails

_Displaying message 1 of 7 in "My Mistake"_

**From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I'm intrigued

**Message:**

There's no one quite like you Sherlock. And there aren't quite that many like me. I say that sets us decently apart from the rest of these morons don't you? Emails weirdly formal for me, so I'll drop by your place Tuesday at 7. Don't make other plans to avoid me or I'll know. You want to come, I caught you staring in Brighton's lecture. Don't worry, I've been trying to catch your eye for days.

Cheers,

Victor

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** What's wrong, my mad genius?

**Message:**

You haven't been in class the past two days. Well even less than usual. Thought you caught the bug but I called Mycroft, and blimey is he always this bloody cold, and he told me you were at home.

I really didn't mind that you kissed me Sherlock. I was just surprised. I thought bloke like you I'd have to make the first move. We can do it again if you like. No one quite feels like you Sherlock. You're special. You're totally different. I need that.

Your Victor

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Germany is something mate

**Message:**

The country is simply amazing. Same lot of simpletons as at home, but the girls! Though I know that's not really your area.

I miss you so much. Sod this internship. Sod Munich, gorgeous industrial power that it is. I miss the feel of your hair. Those curls of yours, mate. Bloody magnificent. I need to kiss you again, and soon. And maybe something more if you'd be up for it. Probably are. I never thought you'd be up for so much snogging. Bloody animal. I love you.

I'll call you soon, my mad genius.

Your Victor

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Just another thousand

**Message:**

Sherlock, love, I promise I'll pay it back. I should never have entered the stocks game, but I swear I can win it all back. I'm nearly as clever as you. You know that.

I'll try and stop by sometime next week. Maybe this time you and me can finally hit third base. God I love you. Even back in London it's not the same without your voice making fun of everything and pointing out the flaws of all these fools that think they're clever for getting into Oxford. We're better than them, Sherlock. You and me.

I know all that stuff you told me, about your dog and before, and I'll just promise you one thing. I'm not going anywhere. As long as you're here for me I'll be here for you. You're so special you don't even know. God I love you so much.

Your Victor

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Stop being so difficult

**Message:**

You know I love you. But you have to help me. You have to stop being stupid.

I mean come on, who was there before me? I'm the one that got you out of that shell yes? You're a hard person to love, Sherlock. Damn near impossible. But I manage. For you. And this is what you give me.

Is it because I don't stop by as often anymore? I have a life you know. And I love you, but I have other people to see.

Just remember what you were before me Sherlock. You need me. You're special. No one likes the know it all. No one likes captain chemistry with the kilos of emotional scarring and icy surface. But I try. Out of love. But if you can't help me Sherlock maybe I was wrong to. Maybe you don't deserve to be loved at all. I'll tell you one thing for sure. After me there won't be anyone for sure. You'll have to marry your work or something. You can manage that.

I still love you. Please don't do this to us.

Your Victor

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I'm getting married mate

**Message:**

You're welcome to attend. Alice and I want it done in her family's estate in Munich.

I feel bad breaking things off with you, but come on, we both knew we weren't ending up together right? You're not the long term commitment type. And I need someone well...a bit normal. I hope there's no hard feelings, you'll always be my mad genius.

Cheers,

Victor

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** About Saturday

**Message:**

Was it good for you? I always thought that maybe that's what you wanted. What you needed. To get over me. To be fucked like that. You seemed to enjoy it. You said my name a few times. Didn't expect it to hurt too much either, I was gentle with you. I always am. I don't know why the hell you were crying so much.

I know you still miss me. But we could never be. I hope you see that. I'll remember you though. Those afternoons on campus. All those days talking. That Saturday.

The first thing I thought about you was that there was no one out there quite like you, and I don't know now, maybe that's a good thing. I loved you as best a person can. But it didn't work. You're just not the type. All that lovey dovey stuff just isn't meant for you. It's not really your fault. It just doesn't work. And for that, I'm sorry.

Goodbye Sherlock,

Victor


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Years Eve.

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Inquiry

**Message:**

What was your opinion on the first few chapters of the text I have named The Reichenbach Fall? I also had another request, would either you or Mr.Gatiss be opposed if I introduced the element of romance? The vast internet fandom seems to need it. I wish to oblige.

Sincerely,

Sherlock Holmes

***

 **From:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Inquiry

You're an even more romantic writer than John is I'd say but I'd be more than grateful if you'd make it obvious if that's what you're saying. Less read between the lines and more read the actual lines. I've been pushing John to do it for ages.

In any case it's well done. Very much his style but interesting perspective. And your grasp of our villain is inspired. I can hardly wait to see more. Though I feel like I know where you're taking this. The final problem. I.O.U. Good. Excellent.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Hound Update

**Message:**

I wrote some romance in. Since you were so insistent when we lunched. But I just don't feel I should be publishing it when Sherlock is so against the idea. I have a second version of the draft of Hound where I've adjusted for the lack of explicit romance (since everyone seems to think lots of things are going on between a lot of people with my regular writing alone) by introducing a few minor subplots that tie up nicely. Action oriented. Hope they suit. I've attached it.

\--John

_Documents attached: Houndv2.doc (104 KB)_

***

 **From:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Hound Update

**Message:**

It's alright then. No explicit romance for Hound. I'll get a start on editing and then contact you when I've finished.

***

_C:\\\My Documents\WordFiles\InRelationToWScott\TheReichenbachFall_

_Subsection Title: Facts_

_William Scott thrived on facts. To a lesser extent: Statistics. Numbers. Dependant and independant probabilities. Actions and their corresponding reactions. But most of all he dearly loved facts. This made deduction easy. As bridges of facts would lead one right to the correct assumption, while bridges of assumptions could never lead to fact. Yet it also had a dangerous downside. Because he loved facts so much, he feared everything that wasn't. The murky, ambiguous nature of emotions. The spinning, whirling waters of the heart. The kaleidoscope of doubt that was to him the human soul._

_It was fact to him that he liked Arthur Conan's presence by his side. Fact that he could barely tolerate him being anywhere else, especially with those silly women. Fact that the other man had killed for him. Fact that the sight of Arthur Conan elevated his pulse, dilated his eyes and constantly distracted him. Factually speaking, he was in love. But it wasn't fact that Arthur Conan loved him._

***

_Drafts: Unsent_

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Things I can't say

**Message:**

I wanted to ask you Christmas Eve and Christmas Day why you did not wish to kiss me.

Victor Trevor once told me I am not meant to be loved and I believe him, John.

I do not wish to be tricked again. What use is it being so clever if I am so easily duped? Balance of probability: you will leave. Fact is you are a man. With a man's need of a woman. Kinder than Victor was but no less destined for true happiness which I do not provide.

I am a puzzle solver. Riddles of the mind. I can crack codes. I can hack. I can break a maze into its little pieces. Strand myself in the middle of nowhere and find my way back. But I can't figure out you.

Why do you stay? What do you want? Why do you look at me this way?

If you had kissed me I think I would have given myself to you. Been yours entirely. But then John, I already am. You don't need to kiss me at all.

I want you to. And that's why I'm an idiot John. Because only an idiot makes the same mistake twice.

***

_C:\\\My Documents\WordFiles\InRelationToWScott\TheReichenbachFall_

_Subsection Title: Christmas_

_Christmas was a miracle. A spectacle of colors and lights and music in their little flat. William had made Arthur's favorite, treacle tart, as cooking was no more complex than any standard chemical experiments. And in addition recent developments in his own emotional understanding had led him to the conclusion that he would cross the very seas to see his friend happy. Going across town to Tesco was a small matter. They talked for hours. Scott confessed many things he had told to no one else and felt an unparalleled sense of closeness. An unparalleled sense that for once in his life he was everything to the person before him. If only for a moment. A fleeting minute of gold. Such was the folly of love. It proved that William Scott was an ordinary man after all. With needs and wants. That unquenchable thirst of a love unknown and possibly unreciprocated. But perhaps Scott was still a great man. Maybe his was simply a great love? It could be. But was Conan worth such madness? Scott was so crazy for him he didn't pose the question at all. For once the balance of probability lay cast aside. Reason gave way to passion. And heart ruled over head. That, figured Richard Brook, was Scott's greatest folly of all. It was the start of the end. The beginning of his fall._

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Contract Breach: First Warning

**Message:**

This is the exchange in question as was captured on new years by my firm.

S- I really shouldn’t drink you know. Slows the mind. If there’s a murder tomorrow the dead will have to depend on New Scotland Yard for their justice.

J- I think they’ll manage. The dead aren’t really the protesting type.

S- You don’t believe in ghost stories then?

J- You do? They’re not very logical are they?

S- Logic. Fuck my logic, John.

J- What’s gotten into you? Insulting your deity?

S- Alcohol probably.

J- I see.

S- How old were you when you first had a drink John?

J- Seventeen I guess. If you’re implying a serious drink. You?

S- However old I am right this very second.

J- Great. Could have told me that. I’ll regret something when I’m soberer.

S- What do you like John?

J- Hmmm?

S- I mean, what do you really like?

J- Umm...writing I suppose. Family. Friends.

S- Boring.

J- Got anything better?

S- Murder John. Death. Decay. Corruption. The dark. Passion. Kissing.

J- No you don’t.

S- I love kissing, John. And dancing. Always loved it.

J- You’re insane.

S- I’m special. That’s what he said. Mad genius.

J- Few minutes to midnight. Want to watch the--

S- You. Want to watch you, John.

J- Alright. Say, what’s that you’ve been writing all these last few days?

S- My will John.

J- Seriously, Sherlock.

S- The time it takes in seconds to break various bones of the body dependant on striking angle and force in Newtons.

J- You’re quite an articulate drunk.

S- I didn’t have that much. I think...I’m only mildly disoriented and possibly a bit more free with my...baser instincts...that’s the phrase I was reaching for.

J- Last new year I was alone.

S- How were new years with Mary?

J- Nice I suppose. She was always nice at the time. It’s only after.

S- Did she tell you how much she loved you John? Did she tell you there was no one else like you?

J- Sherlock do we really have to--

S- John.

J- She did. I was her gallant knight. Her prince charming.

S- Never pegged you for the roleplay sort.

J- Not like that.

S- I know. I rarely peg incorrectly.

J- Sixty seconds now.

S- That watch is slow. It’s closer to fifty eight.

J- Your hands warm.

S- Like my heart.

((S laughs))

J- Yes.

S- I was joking.

J- I wasn’t.

S- Kiss me at midnight.

J- Sherlock.

S- I was joking.

J- No, you weren’t.

(At this point observing officers noted the lights switched off for a few seconds though there was no localized power outage, J was within arms reach of the switch, activity during the dark seconds cannot be confirmed)

What is the meaning of this?

Pray tell,

Mycroft

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Contract Breach: First Warning

**Message:**

I’m not the type to kiss and tell sorry. By the way, how many warnings do I get before your men in black crash through the windows in slow motion and assist me in moving?

\--John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Contract Breach: First Warning

**Message:**

3\. Your jovial tone with regards to this arrangement is not amusing. Do you not take my brother seriously?

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Contract Breach: First Warning

**Message:**

I do take him seriously. In your words, its obvious. Why else would I have turned off the lights?

  
-John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Did John kiss him?


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contract Breach Warning 2.

**From:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **Subject:** Minor errors

**Message:**

I noticed at certain points in the text you have your own name in place of Scott's and John's in place of Conan's. For example:

Subsection title: Kiss in the dark

Just when William Scott had begun to believe with certainty that Arthur Conan had no intention of becoming physically intimate with him, that he would never even desire to kiss him, Conan did what he always did to him: took him by surprise.

One second they were staring at each other. The air laced with the second meanings of their words. With Sherlock's love and his doubts. The other the lights briefly flickered off, how Sherlock did not know, all he could see was John's eyes, his mind a haze due to the alcohol in his blood. He couldn't see John come closer but he could feel his warm breath. Briefly register the smell of the same drink he himself had been drinking before John brushed his lips against Scott's own. Conan had never kissed him before.

This should have made it easy. Made his heart soar. And it did. For a moment. But then it ached yet again as he remembered the games he was playing, remembered what he planned to do. But what did it matter what they did in the dark? Sherlock caught the other man's mouth and daringly kissed him again, stopping only as the lights snapped on. It had been John who flipped the switch, he realized. Something about kissing Scott was wrong for him, so he had confined it to the dark. He could not kiss him and let his eyes confirm what he had done. It was a secret want. Not suited to the truths and harsh realities of day. But William Scott couldn't have cared less. If John needed dark to kiss him, he would stain the daylight itself with the ink of night. Bring out the shadow to block out the sun.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Minor errors

**Message:**

The errors will be corrected at my earliest possible convenience.

\--Sherlock

***

_Google News-Trending Now_

Hound is a sensation! -The Herald

7 minutes ago

Fans crowd bookstores amidst popular release of latest Scott book \- The Times

10 minutes ago

With sales rocketing, what's next for William Scott and Arthur Conan? -Boston Globe

24 minutes ago

***

Notice for Mr. S. Holmes:

_Dawson Electric Company_

_Billing Address: 221B Baker Street_

_Outstanding payment dues- 560.00_

Mr. Holmes: Due to your failure to respond to three previous notices and current outstanding dues, **your power will be CUT starting from tomorrow at 7 to heating and all electric devices for your location until a proper payment is received and processed**. Payment can be made through checks made out to the Dawson Electric Company, cash at any of our local offices, by phone or via our website: dawsonelectricbillingco.com.

Thank you for doing business with us!

The Dawson Corporation

_"Lighting up your world"_

We hope to transact again with you soon!

If you wish to contact us, or have questions about this notice, general service, or a complaint:

Central office number: 456 555 8387

Email address: customercare@dawson.co.com

Mailing address: 78 Brighton Ave. Southampton, U.K.

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Contract Breach: Second Warning

**Message:**

(Officers noted the following exchange occurred after 7, audio only due to complete darkness)

J- The power's out. But it's on across the street. And next door. What the hell?

S- Very astute John.

J- Do you have an explanation then?

S- Negligence.

J- Yours?

S- Not an experiment.

J- Stop reading my mind.

S- If only I could

J- It's freezing Sherlock.

S- Yes. Small price to pay.

J- Wait. You...didn't...on purpose.

S- I can't stand watching you look at me like that and not do anything about it. Positively maddening.

J- You did. You...

((Approximately 10 seconds silence))

S- Why are you stopping, ki--

J- Don't use the word, stop it, here...

S-John. What are you--John.

J- Thought you said you loved dancing.

S- Dancing is it? Do you ever think of me when you dance with yourself?

J- Always. Always you. Tango. Freestyle. Waltz...

S- Oh John...

J- Sssh...the quieter we are the better...

S- How can you possibly expect me to be quiet when you're...

((Moaning sound))

J- Sherlock please.

S- That was. Well. You're an excellent dancer.

J- It takes a willing partner.

S- This one's more than willing.

J- I can feel as much.

((Moaning sound))

S- This can't be your first time. Dancing to this song.

J- It's not. I've danced to many a tune.

S- Thought you might.

J- How long?

S- I sent in the check yesterday. Should finish processing by 10 tonight.

J- You are...I don't know...I...

S- I can help you there. Special? Mad? Difficult? Know it all? Harsh? Brutal?

J- None of those. I don't know...

S- You don't have to--we can just...we can dance in the...

J- One step ahead of you.

S- I'll just warn you now...after a while I don't know how the song goes....

J- It doesn't matter Sherlock. I'll teach you all the words.

***

 **From:**  holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject** : Finished with this and you

**Message:**

_Documents attached: RFallFinal.doc(110 KB)_

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Oh you're never done...

**Message:**

It's a splendid thing Sherlock. And so heartfelt! Really touching. At times I must confess I almost gagged.

Usually I plan my own crimes but your little habit of making it into art with your little books made me change my mind! If art imitates life then life should imitate art, shouldn't it Sherlock? I'd love to finish you myself. But I won't :(

I hope you like heights Sherlock. Cause you'll go the same way as Scott.

I had a few edits in mind as well I thought your readers might like. If I were you I'd put in some of that dancing. That plus your little tumble and you might outsell Fifty Shades :) Though there's not much point in being rich if you're dead...

Bye!

X

Jim

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I tire of you

**Message:**

And if I should refuse?

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Don't be dull Sherlock...

**Message:**

You wrote it so well yourself I couldn't say it better if I tried :(

"Three bullets, three gunmen, three victims, there's no stopping them now. Unless my people see you jump."

"Your friends will die if you don't."

"Not just Arthur. Everyone."

XX

Jim

P.S. I.O.U.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Sherlock's narration of the kiss in the dark is based on real events.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah John basically threw the contract out the window...

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Meet me in the new Marriott hotel

**Message:**

Room 337

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Come home already

**Message:**

I'm in the shower and I've forgotten a towel

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** There's an empty office at New Scotland Yard

**Message:**

I'll deduce you.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Let's go to the Marriott again

**Message:**

233 this time.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I want you in me

**Message:**

Work can wait. I need you. I'll even turn the lights off again so Mycroft can't see (that's why isn't it? Has to be).

Come at once if convenient, if inconvenient come anyway.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I want you in me.

**Message:**

Sherlock, I can't just leave. Staying on the whole day is actually important. Moff wants to make it a television series.

Of course the reason is your prick brother what else?

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I want you in me.

**Message:**

More important than your best friend's need of your cock? Hardly.

My prick brother is a thorn in everyone's arse. That's beside the point however, as it's my arse and your prick that you should be concerned with, John.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I want you in me.

**Message:**

Holy hell...you can't send me things like that when I'm working. I can't concentrate when I'm picturing...well you're not distracting me now. I have an iron will, Sherlock.

\--John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@yahoo.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: I want you in me

**Message:**

I was an underwear model once John. Ergo the distractibility of my arse and other erogenous regions have a high monetary value.

Look at these pictures. How's that iron will working out for you?

\--Sherlock

_Documents attached: ItsFutileJohn.jpg (210 KB), CantResistMe.jpg (105 KB), YourWillIsMine.jpg (200 KB)_

***

_capjwats422 is online_

_holmes.sherlock is online_

capjwats422: fuck you Sherlock

holmes.sherlock: Amusing that you should say that I was hoping you would

capjwats422: shut up

holmes.sherlock: It's interesting to see how long you'll stay in denial.

capjwats422: you're not in the habit of...pictures too often are you?

holmes.sherlock: I know what you're asking. Victor doesn't have any for blackmail or he would have done it already.

capjwats422: My god though. Those pictures. Everything about you.

holmes.sherlock: What?

capjwats422: I want to taste you Sherlock, touch my mouth to every inch of your skin

holmes.sherlock: You can.

capjwats422: how badly do you want it Sherlock?

holmes.sherlock: I want to do more dirty things to you than are found in your standard Willthur fanfiction.

capjwats422: ...you've read it?

holmes.sherlock: A handful. Research, John.

capjwats422: of course

holmes.sherlock: Elementary, my dear Conan.

capjwats422: very funny

holmes.sherlock: You're already on your way over here aren't you?

capjwats422: yes

holmes.sherlock: Git. Letting me go on like that.

capjwats422: I had to

holmes.sherlock: Don't type and go through traffic at the same time. Without my intellect, a person can easily be injured.

capjwats422: I'm fine Sherlock

holmes.sherlock: Even so.

capjwats422: I wouldn't let anything happen to me while my boyfriend is in dire need of my cock

holmes.sherlock: I'm your...boyfriend?

capjwats422: course. What did you think you were...quick shag on the side?

holmes.sherlock: There's the trouble.That's what I'm meant for John. I'm not the lovey dovey type. People like me. We don't need that. It doesn't suit.

capjwats422: nonsense. Everyone needs love. Anyone can.

holmes.sherlock: How come you never say it?

capjwats422: As phrases go 'I love you' is sort of empty. It's too easy. Besides, we writers have a saying. Show don't tell.

holmes.sherlock: Show me.

capjwats422: Gladly.

_capjwats422 is offline_

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

***

_holmes.sherlock is online_

_mycroftholmes is online_

mycroftholmes: Sherlock why are you doing this?

holmes.sherlock: Shagging John you mean? I happen to enjoy it.

mycroftholmes: He's using you for physical pleasure and the like. That's all the other one wanted. Free yourself from these baser pursuits. How many times do we have to go through this same charade?

holmes.sherlock: If I asked him to he wouldn't touch me.

mycroftholmes: In the heat of the moment, I doubt it.

holmes.sherlock: I'll prove it.

mycroftholmes: I'm not watching your hijinks myself, brother mine. I'll tell my people what to look for.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_

***

_Blackwood Security Corporation_

_Surveillance Report ID#2909_

_Supervising officer: Terence Clant_

_Observing officer: Ashley Marbury_

_Client: Mycroft Holmes_

_Transcript_

 

(S was naked from the waist down when J came up to the main floor. J was clearly hard beneath his trousers and immediately went to S. They kissed on various living room surfaces for approximately 2 minutes 13 seconds during which time J withdrew his cock, inserting his other hand into the cleft of S's arse. After this occurred the following exchange was recorded)

 

S- Don't.

J- What's wrong?

S- I can't do this.

J- Why?

(J steps away)

S- Listen to me. Just listen.

J- It's alright you know. There's other ways I can show you. You're so clever, I'm surprised you haven't seen it already.

S- Impossible. I see everything.

J- When I grabbed your wrist at the airport I knew I wanted you.

S- Maybe a part of me knew even before that? When you asked me to fix your stupid printer.

J- Refund. I wanted a refund. You're terrible at customer service.

S- Still want a refund then?

J- Not a chance. Idiots like you are priceless.

S- Idiot?

J- Yeah, an idiot's a man who doesn't realize his best friend's got it bad for him when said best friend writes a book series about their relationship and the whole world over makes it a gay sensation.

S- John will you...possibly take care of...

J- In those fanfics do I ever suck you off?

S- There are some in which you do though the ones I have encountered primarily involve anal pene--

(S moans as J performs oral sex)

J- We'll get to that later

 

_Personal comments of A.Marbury: I don't get paid nearly enough to do this job, which basically amounts to watching masses of unresolved sexual tension and then providing textual commentary for gay porn. On the other hand I know half a dozen Willthur fanatics who would kill to be me._

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** This is awkward

**Message:**

I'll get right to the chase. So I forgot to turn off the lights last night in the living room. And basically shagged the daylights out of your brother which you no doubt know. And no email...

Should I fear for my life?

\--John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** No cause for concern

**Message:**

I've reconsidered. You're exactly what he needs. Ironically you manage something he's failed at for years.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: No cause for concern

**Message:**

What's that?

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** It's more an observation than praise

**Message:**

Emotional restraint under pressure.

In other words: you stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some clarification: Both John and Sherlock have email available on their smartphones as a mobile app. And John's work is basically meeting with editors and planning for the future of the Scott franchise.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock begins putting his plan in motion.

**From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Meet up again?

**Message:**

I'm in town again. I can't stop thinking about you. Last time in the alley, god it was wonderful. I want you back, love. Come meet me Sherlock.

Cheers,

Victor

***

 **From:**  holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** victortrevor21@aol.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Meet up again?

**Message:**

No. I have someone who loves me now. I don't need to come begging for scraps of your affection.

***

 **From:** victortrevor21@aol.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Meet up again?

**Message:**

Who could ever love you but me? You're kidding yourself.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** victortrevor21@aol.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Good riddance

**Message:**

I have better things to do than argue with fools, but I will say this. You never loved me at all. I don't think you're capable of that depth of emotion. And for that, I'm sorry.

***

_Police Report- London Police Department_

_Section 013_

_Officer James Blount_

_Violation of Public Conduct Code- Street Altercation, Code 8_

_The accused John Watson was detained outside his home Friday night after punching another man, a Victor Trevor in London on business. Watson alleges the assault was provoked. He will be released conditional upon good behavior and payment of posted bail as he has no past criminal record and surrounding witnesses corroborated his story that Trevor had ignored several previous warnings to vacate the premises._

***

_holmes.sherlock is online_

_capjwats422 is online_

holmes.sherlock: Where are you? I came home from New Scotland Yard and I see no sign of you around the flat. Initial data indicates you weren't planning on going out. Unexpected then.

capjwats422: I'm at the police station, Sherlock. And yes genius I wasn't planning on going to jail.

holmes.sherlock: Do elaborate.

capjwats422: Are you coming to get me or not?

holmes.sherlock: I have to come get you John? My you should have made clear this boyfriend thing implies I have to bail you out of jail.

capjwats422: shut up, you're coming right?

holmes.sherlock: Obviously

capjwats422: Since you're going to know anyway I might as well tell you

holmes.sherlock: Yes?

capjwats422: I may have punched Victor Trevor

holmes.sherlock: May have?

capjwats422: Okay so I did

holmes.sherlock: He came to see you...?

capjwats422: forget about it

holmes.sherlock: No I want to know.

capjwats422: it doesn't matter

holmes.sherlock: He told you didn't he...he was the reason I relapsed...the whole thing that happened to me after Redbeard. He was warning you.

capjwats422: I already knew everything Sherlock

holmes.sherlock: Mycroft.

capjwats422: Yes.

holmes.sherlock: Excellent. So is that it then? Am I your charity case? Poor Sherlock can't handle heartbreak so kind Doctor Watson helps him out?

capjwats422: Its not like that.

holmes.sherlock: I do not need to be coddled John. I can handle the truth. That I am a dangerous man and most dangerous of all to myself. It was stupid of me. Of course you knew. Of course all that was the only reason you stayed.

capjwats422: Its not like that at all.

holmes.sherlock: I'm sure.

capjwats422: Why are you doing this?

holmes.sherlock: I made a few phone calls. They'll release you.

_holmes.sherlock is offline_

_capjwats422 is offline_

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your plan worked

 **Message:** Victor took the bait and approached John. This has allowed me to suitably distance myself from him for the time being.

Operation Encryption is a go.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Confirmed

**Message:**

Good. Now we’ll just have to wait for publication.

Tread carefully,

Mycroft


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The note.

_Drafts: Unsent_

**From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** My confession

**Message:**

John, this message is meant to serve as my note. That’s what people do isn’t it? Leave a note. Anyway, there’s a lot of things I meant to say, always, then never have and I suppose since we’re never going to meet again I might as well say them now.

I’m in love with you. I have been for a very long time and whatever it is that I do that is the reason why. I hope you may forgive me in time accordingly. No one has touched me as you have, John. Physically yes, certainly, but in other ways as well. I felt appreciated with you, I felt safe, I found home in your laugh, I was happy.

I’m glad that we met. I would not change it. With you I was seldom bored. Thank you for tolerating my many moods and tantrums. Thank you immortalizing me in your writing. Thank you for dealing with my brother, with Victor, with the press. Thank you for dancing with me.

Since I shall not see you again it cannot be harmful for me to give you the compliments I never did. Hoping only that they may last you a lifetime. You are a great writer. I read and re-read everything you have written. It rings with emotion, I feel the struggles of every character and I picture the scene perfectly. It is a gift, and not one to be taken lightly. You are also a very good person, a quality that I do not seem to give very much esteem to, but a useful one none the less. There are very few truly good people in this world and you are one of them. I may be hopelessly biased, in fact balance of probability is that I am, but you are quite handsome. I like the blue of your eyes, the way your hair glints in the sun, more grey than blonde now, the wrinkles in your face especially when you smile. Everything. I like the steadiness of your hand. The warmth of it in mine. I love the feeling of you when you take me. I love your tongue in my mouth. I love it when you are rough with me. I was never happier than when I was naked in your arms. You are a marvel. I cannot believe that for a time you were mine. 

When I was young John I thought the world was a very different place. I observed everything yet I learned nothing. I saw everything yet I knew nothing. When I discovered the truth, death and betrayal and corruption everywhere it was almost too much. It almost killed me. I only wish that I had met you sooner. In fact sometimes I fancy that perhaps you were made for me, that perhaps the higher power I do not believe in crossed our paths purposefully to rekindle my long lost faith in the human race. Foolish, isn't it? What love does to men. Even men like me. 

I should also take this time for some instruction. I know you care for me a great deal yet I wish that in time you should move on. Find someone else upon which to shower your attention and your love. You have much to give. So do not mourn me. 

None of what happened is your fault. If all goes how I planned I should still return to you and you will never read this. However, if you are reading this, then doubtless it has not and you have seen me die. I drafted this email ahead of time and pressed send only when I felt my end inevitable. In any case, I am not afraid of departing my earthly life and material pleasures. It is from you I do not wish to be parted, my John. I am sorry.

William Scott died for Arthur Conan. As I die for you.

Yours always,

Sherlock Holmes


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock returns to John for one last night before the book premiere.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Come home

**Message:**

I checked everywhere. The yard. The flat obviously. I called Mycroft and he said he didn’t know but I don’t believe him. I called the hospital. No one’s seen you.

It’s weird you know, I’ve spent so many years of my life alone but two days without you and I’m coming apart.

You’re still wrong by the way. I don’t stay with you for some bizarre sense of obligation. I’m not a saint. Life is just better with you. I can’t explain it.

Just come home. We’ll take a case. Order takeout later. You’ll complain about something and not eat. I’ll yell at you. We’ll go out for a case again. I’ll write about it. We’ll come home. And it’ll go on like that. The way it should, I think.

I don’t know though, maybe I haven’t been clear with you. You’re so clever I thought you already knew. This isn’t it a short term thing. I want to be with you. Now. And later as well. I’d imagine some day you’d get tired of chasing criminals and go away and when you do I’d like to go with you. If you’ll have me of course. You get it?

Please,

John

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I mean it

**Message:**

It’s been another day without you here. I’d lie and say I’m fine but I’m not.

I was lost without you. I was angry at Mary, and the world and basically everyone for being happy when I wasn't. That day when I sent the email about the printer--I was just taking my frustration out on it instead of getting a move on. I thought I was done as a writer. I had no inspiration. And then just like that. You. You changed everything. I was so alone and I owe you so much. 

If you want me to prove that I’m in this for the long haul I will. I’ve been wanting to for a long time. And it’s weird to do it here, but this whole relationship is a bit odd, we started out as a customer service interaction for god’s sake. So why not?

I thought a long time, with you being gone, about what I wanted and what you might want and about the future and our books, and the world, and a lot of things. And I decided to hell with it. Why shouldn’t we be happy?

I know you're afraid of being hurt again, even though you won't admit it, and you act like it's all beneath you. I was afraid of writing again, living again, liking someone again after I left Mary. It's worth it though. I promise you it's worth it. Victor is scum and he just used you and I know it was wrong but if you let that keep you back your whole life then he wins. You're not happy and he knows that being unhappy drives you back to him. It's what he wants. It's why I hit him. I was so angry. I'm really a very angry person, it'll surprise you, because to counter your--let's call it what it is--brilliance/madness I seem like the reasonable one, but I'm not. You shouldn't let someone like that write your whole life. You shouldn't let them. 

We bicker like children. Snog like teenagers. I want to spend the rest of my adult life with you. I want to see you grow old. 

So Sherlock, strange as it is, proposing over email, I’ve just one thing I’ve got to ask you, phenomenal idiot of my life, would you please come home and marry me?

Where have you been?

John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Coming

**Message:**

Okay.

***

 **From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** What happened?

**Message:**

Did he come back?

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: What happened?

**Message:**

Yes.

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Preparations complete?

**Message:**

I’ve done my share.

It’s up to chance now,

Mycroft

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Prepared

**Message:**

Everything is ready. Just one last night with John. The book will hit the shelves tomorrow at two. I’ll meet Moriarty the day after.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Last night

**Message:**

You’re sleeping right now, even though it’s 11 o’clock and you’re usually sprinting about here like a madman (my fault though, kept you up for hours last night). You’re going to hate me for this but you’re so gorgeous like this. So peaceful. I almost can’t believe it’s you. I do believe of course because I was there when you fell asleep in my arms and that was definitely you because I don’t think anybody else I’ve shared a bed with wraps around the other person like a boa constrictor.

But then it has to be you, Sherlock. I look at your hand and you’re wearing my ring. And I remember. I swear Sherlock no matter how old I get I won’t forget last night. How happy you were. I swear I’ll keep you that happy for the rest of your life. 

You never did tell me exactly where you went. Staying with Mycroft is a bit too vague of an answer. There should have been a discussion. I suppose we were too busy for that...but there’s plenty of time now. I’ll ask you when you wake up. There’s no rush. I have you now.

You’re brother wants to meet with me for some reason so I’m leaving now, be back in a bit. You’ll probably still be asleep. Which is fine. You never rest, and I love seeing you like this.

Your fiance--and possibly the luckiest person alive, (fiance has an interesting ring to it, fascinating you would say)

John Watson

P.S. I love you.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock publishes The Reichenbach Fall.

**From:** sarahsawyer19@aol.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject** : Did you know about this?

**Message:**

I’m sorry but I have to ask. Your names not on the book or anything. This is just one article but the Internet is on fire.

William Scott is DEAD

Hoping everything’s fine,

Sarah

***

_Google News- Trending Now_

Initial Sales Higher for The Reichenbach Fall Than For Any Previous Scott Novel By Tenfold – The Economic Times

2 minutes ago

               “The book is likely to make Sherlock Holmes a multimillionaire…”

               [Show more]

Sherlock Holmes Pulls Out ALL The Stops – The Harpers Literary Journal

3 minutes ago

               “Has Holmes been the genius behind the Scott sensation this entire time?...”

               [Show more]

Fans Reeling After One Half of Famous Duo Kills Off Protagonist  -- The Post

4 minutes ago

               “Representatives of John Watson have not yet responded to requests for comments.”

               [Show more]

 William Scott is DEAD – The Independent

5 minutes ago

               “Who saw it coming? Who’s responsible?...”

               [Show more]

***

Kindle ebooks: The Reichenbach Fall

_Pg. 1 of 349_

The Reichenbach Fall

By Sherlock Holmes

BBC Publishing Company

London, UK

Copyright 2010

_Pg. 2 of 349_

_For John Watson—my Conan_

***

_https:www.tumblr.com/blog/a-study-in-sexual-tension/post-34935/453.com_

_There’s been a lot of outcry on the recent developments in the Scott series. The unexpected release of the standalone novel: The Reichenbach Fall being the center of the controversy. But to longtime believers like myself it’s only a relief, and not altogether surprising. I’ll explain._

_Why Willthur isn’t that unexpected after all:_

_While the more visible face of our dynamic duo has remained rather (suspiciously) silent on the issue, I’ve found actual critical reviews that saw it the way we do right from the start. Courtesy of good old Goodreads._

https://www.goodreads.com/books/genre-mysteries/author/JohnWatson/4135/reviews.com

Critical Reviews:

“Alluring plot twists…I simply didn’t see it coming…an oh so subtle **romantic** streak that makes this novel more Austen than Christie.” –The Boston Herald

“In William Scott you find a most inscrutable man. It’s a miracle the reader would care for him and his problems, or I should say puzzles, that are so out of the ordinary but Watson writes him with such care and reverence that it’s difficult not to adopt the author’s own view of his subject. Why does the reader like Scott? It’s obvious. Because John Watson **loves** him.” –The London Telegraph

_It’s always been a popular fan theory that Conan was based on Watson and Scott on the reclusive Sherlock Holmes. While Watson confirmed nothing but a strong partnership and I quote “genial” relations with Holmes, could it be assumed that he was only hesitating to make this blessed ship canon because of the implications on his real life? Perhaps Willthur could only happen after Johnlock?_

_[Read more]_

***

_https:www.tumblr.com/blog/consulting-doctor/post-19998/2202.com_

_Hey guys, Amanda here!_

_A review of The Reichenbach Fall_

_This newest addition to the Scott saga is a work no one was expecting. And the world is reeling in shock and utter awe. Presumably drowning their sorrows in alcohol and bemoaning the end of the greatest book series since Potter mania. I'll admit, It took me a bit myself to compose myself and write this review after putting it down (by which I mean having it pried away from my tear stained hands by my sister--thanks Em). Anyway. You might be wondering: why is everyone losing their shit?_

_1) First of all this was authored by Sherlock Holmes and not John Watson.  Yes friends, the ever reclusive ex-addict Sherlock Holmes._

_2) SPOILER ALERT: William dies. It still hasn't sunk in. And I cried. Twice. Maybe three times. Okay four._

_3) But before he falls (literally) he is shown to get together with Arthur Conan, who he's apparently been secretly in love with from the start. Squeeee! Willthur is real._

_4) There's sex in it. Fifty shades of William freaking Scott. I'm dead._

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I presume you’ve seen it

**Message:**

Your move.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** sarahsawyer19@aol.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Did you know about this?

**Message:**

No, I didn’t.

\--John


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and Jim continue the chess game. Sherlock finds a loophole. John finds his faith. Amanda takes on a new role. And Jim is just a lunatic guys.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I don’t know

**Message:**

Sherlock, please, explain this. Tell me… something. Anything.

\--John

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Do exactly as I say, or you know what happens :(

**Message:**

My my that was sweet. I didn’t quite get through it myself (though I did read your sad end (: ), frankly I find that sort of stuff rather nauseating! But the sweeter the better :D So adorable…dying for LOOOVE.

But anyway. Like you said, Sherlock. My move! My turn! Oh joy. Now what can I have you do….hmmm… yes. Tell him you’re a fake. Tell him you did this for the money. Oh and since you had to go and make it an epic romance I think we could tweak it just a bit and make it a tragedy! Yes. Brilliant, even if I say it myself. Your whole romance with him. Everything you did with him. Was only so you could write this.

Toodaloo,

Jim X

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** amandadeaton@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your singular obsession can possibly do some practical good for once

**Message:**

You no doubt recognize my name so I’ll spare you the introduction. How I found your private email address is irrelevant.

In light of having little time I have made the ill-advised decision to trust you. Your obsession with literature, in particular of late the Scott novels, and your diehard passion behind ‘Willthur’ (which I have so kindly fulfilled) gives me reasonable assurance that you can perform this task. It’s not even that difficult. Any simpleton could do it. Even you.

Though I could easily suggest better uses of your free time, I have seen that it is you who have written the most widely read fanfictions in the Scott fandom. Among these: The Progress of William Scott, Alone On The Sea, Saving William Scott. Many of these surpassing 20 thousand hits.

Your current home address is actually within a few blocks of where John Watson and I live (again don’t bother your simple mind with how I know), I want you to sit in Speedy’s Café, with the latest Scott novel and your laptop, and I want you to wait for him. He gets coffee there when he’s two antsy to make that or tea himself. Which he undoubtedly will be.

Understand?

***

 **From:** amandadeaton@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Your singular obsession can possibly do some practical good for once

**Message:**

Wow, you’re just as rude as William Scott.

But what should I do?

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** amandadeaton@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Your singular obsession can possibly do some practical good for once

**Message:**

Nothing at all. You will have with you the book, the computer and your proven skill (I’m being very generous with the word skill here) at constructing Willthur AUs.

In time (and in that order) he will ask for all three.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I’m sorry John

**Message:**

I’m a fake. I invented everything. My interest in you, my love for you, so that I could write this final novel and become a multi-millionaire. It was a spectacular con. But a con nonetheless. And it had to end. So I killed William Scott.

I’m afraid our little affair must be killed as well,

Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Taking a leaf out of your book.

**Message:**

Wrong.

 

I know you for real,

John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject** : RE: Taking a leaf out of your book

**Message:**

No you don’t. If you even read the first line of the Reichenbach Fall you’d know the truth about whether or not I ever loved you.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** It’s life or death, I’m asking you as a friend

**Message:**

Anyway you can. Publish it.

_Files attached: Coda.doc (16 KB)_

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Almost done!

**Message:**

John we need you to do your part in the play.

Hurry now I’m not as patient as Sherlock,

Jim

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Almost done?

**Message:**

Who are you? What do you want? What part are you talking about?

***

 **From** : capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Almost done?

**Message:**

You’re almost too pathetic for words…you have one hour. I’m sure you read the book. You know where to go.

***

_https:www.tumblr.com/blog/consulting-doctor/post-100022/676889.com_

_Hey guys, it’s Amanda._

_So this was possibly the strangest thing that’s ever happened to me. And I don’t really know what to make of it. So I was waiting in a café today in front of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson’s private residence. And then John Watson came in, and I was expecting him, but he completely ignored me and got coffee and was sort of brooding at the next table over. And I tried not to be creepy but it’s difficult if you know me at all so I sort of stared at him a few times and I guess he saw what I was reading and then he asked me if I knew who he was._

_I said yes. Because of course I knew, you know. And he asked quite nicely if he could see the book, and I said yeah of course, it’s your book, and then he said “No it isn’t” in a really depressed kind of voice and I was like “Yes sorry” because how could I forget? But then how composed would you be if the one and only John Watson was in front of you? So I was sort of concentrating on the wallpaper so as not to stare directly at him while he read it. Took him like an hour and a half to read the whole thing (he asked me every few minutes if I needed it back but I could just shake my head at that point, he had pulled up a chair across from me). Lot of emotions on his face. He laughed at a few parts. And then got a bit solemn sometimes. I’ve read it like twice already so I could guess what part he was on each time that happened._

_Then he got some paper napkins from the counter and wrote a few sentences down and when I asked him what he was doing the first time he said “Nothing” but the second time he sort of looked sheepish and said he was writing down the first lines of all the chapters looking for some sort of “subtext”._

_Then it hit me. I sort of ripped the napkins from his hand, not going to lie, but subtext is sort of my area. Right after books in general, terriers like my dog Blackjack, and actually being near the top of my class despite spending (or wasting according to my sister—thanks Em) time with fanfiction (thought I’d toot my own horn a bit). Anyway. So it was obvious at that point. I underlined them. First word of each line:_

_The only thing William Scott had known for sure was that he was not a man meant for love._

_Printer malfunctions were unfortunately common at places frequented by the suspect and the undoubted explanation for his ink-stained hands, it was obvious, claimed Scott. _

_Is there a way to quantify love?_

_“ Jammed drawers, locked rooms, murdered wifes, I specialize in it all, now what’s your problem?” Scott asked drily._

_“ Is there anything you could let me discover by myself?” Conan sank into the chair dejectedly._

_“ My heart is yours. It should have been obvious from the start.” Scott remarked._

_“ Password was child’s play Arthur, you know I can always guess them, you shouldn’t lock your laptop at all,” Scott smirked._

_The message then: The Printer Is Jammed is my password._

_This didn’t particularly mean much to me. So I thought it was a dead end. But he sort of awkwardly laughed, as if he was remembering some sort of inside joke, so I handed it back to him. And he asked for my laptop, sort of absentmindedly apologizing as if he didn’t really see me there. After doing something on it for like a half an hour he closed it and handed it back (I checked the internet history later but he had cleared it—smart, living with Sherlock Holmes I’m guessing it’s sort of a habit)._

_After that he asked me if I could come up with any way that Scott could jump off that roof and survive. So I told him a few fan theories already floating around out there but he didn’t really like any one of them. He read the last chapter again. And repeated one of Scott’s last words “It’s a magic trick.”_

_Then he asked for the laptop again and began writing up a document he called “Coda”. You guys have obviously read that by now. The rest I suppose, is history._

***

_Oxford Email Service_

**Please enter your OxfordID:**

holmes.sherlock

**Please enter your password:**

Theprinterisjammed

***

_Oxford Email Service_

_Login successful!_

***

https://www.bbcpublishinghouse.mainpage.news.com

Coda to The Reichenbach Fall 

By John Watson

Arthur Conan spoke in broken sentences to his therapist. It was raining outside, a downpour of all the tears he himself was incapable of crying.

“My best friend…” he managed, “William Scott…is dead…”

…

He was not alone in the graveyard however. In the distance stood William Scott. The same William Scott that had undoubtedly died on the pavement. The same William Scott that had jumped. It was unexplainable. Inconceivable. Impossible in every sense of the word. Yet it was true. He was alive.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** jim@moriarty.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your rules

**Message:**

You said once after you read the Fall for the first time that I would go the same way as Scott. A madman only plays by his own rules. I’ve followed them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it's at all unclear, Sherlock is taking advantage of a line in Jim's email in one of the previous chapters that Sherlock would go the same way as William, and needed John to write the alternate end because Jim had already seen and approved Sherlock's version of The Fall. The fanfic Sherlock refers to Amanda writing are of course in reality The Progress of Sherlock Holmes, Alone on the Water, and Saving Sherlock Holmes, each unique and fantastically beautiful in their own right.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literature becomes reality.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I knew you were for real

**Message:**

I read everything that psycho sent you. And I read all your drafts. Even the one…you know the one. And now, now I finally understand. I wrote you a coda. But I still don’t know how you can possibly survive. You’ll come up with something though. I know you will. I believe in you. I always will.

\--John

***

 **From:** jim@moriarty.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** John isn’t nearly as careful as I am :(

**Message:**

He wrote that you would somehow live. So I suppose you get your life >:( But he didn’t mention how long you’d be gone from him. What a shame. 

Poor you,

Jim

***

_Google news- Trending now_

William Scott lives…while Sherlock Holmes dies –The Times

1 minute ago

Sherlock Holmes DEAD just hours after success of new book –The Herald

1 minute ago

Did John Watson’s ‘Coda’ drive him to suicide? Readers confused  --Chicago Tribune

2 minutes ago

***

 **From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** If there’s anything you need

**Message:**

Johnny, I am so sorry. I know how much you loved him. Do you want to come stay with me for a few days? I can come get you.

Your sister,

Harry

***

 **From:** sarahsawyer19@aol.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I’m the last person you want to hear from right now

**Message:**

John if you see this, and you need anything, anything at all. I’m here. As a friend. This must be so hard on you I can’t even imagine.

All my love,

Sarah

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** We certainly had differences

**Message:**

Despite all I had done to you both, I know you are the only person who cared for him as I did. Though that is hardly consolation, I am aware. I would appreciate it if you aided me in organizing Sherlock’s funeral. Sherlock was never much for ceremonies. But as I’m sure you know. Funerals are for the living.

He was my brother,

Mycroft

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: My confession

**Message:**

I was so sure, Sherlock. That you would find a way out of this. That what I had written--that loophole you found in his messages “you will go the same way as Scott”--would save you. Maybe it did? Maybe I’m the one in a dream? If I am then I want to wake up. Oh good god, I want to wake up.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m the only one who looks at your email inbox now. You’re gone. Aren’t you? I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’m lost. You were always the anchor.

Sherlock, please. For me. Just one more miracle. If you’re able to read this. Don’t. Be. Dead.

Your fiancé (I’m sorry, but I can’t move on),

John

***

https://www.bbcpublishinghouse.mainpage.news.com

Regarding Sherlock Holmes and the Continuation of the Scott Series

I understand readers have been clamoring for an explanation for weeks now, but it’s been quite a difficult time in my personal life and I appreciate those of you who have elected to give me both privacy and space. Nevertheless I know I must make a statement of some sort and this is it. I’ll apologize if some of my language is crude or unnecessarily blunt, I am not meaning to offend, only to express in the only way I can what happened. Which truth be told I understand only as much as all of you.

On the matter of the books, I have elected to place them on temporary hiatus. William Scott is alive at this point in the continuity that I can confirm. I will not be however, writing any more novels for the time being and likely for the foreseeable future. My involvement in the television adaptation will also be more limited than previously intended, though I wish them the greatest success.

On the matter of my partner Sherlock Holmes, I scarcely know what more can be said. He died of blood loss at St. Bartholomew’s Hospital after falling from the roof of the building and immediately losing consciousness upon force of impact, head trauma and subsequent brain swelling. The private funeral occurred Saturday last with all of his surviving friends and family, well-wishers hoping to give their condolences can send them to the press address posted by the BBC and can note that we are very thankful for their continued support. The possible case investigating foul play is ongoing and I am not at liberty to comment on that, any possible legal proceedings, and differentiating what happened to Sherlock as being murder, suicide, or anything else.

I would take this time to let you know however, what kind of a person Sherlock was. The publication of The Reichenbach Fall was not his attempt to backstab me; in fact he meant it as a surprise to me. He was essentially happy in his last days on Earth, he enjoyed playing violin, analyzing cadavers and going on cases with me on behalf of New Scotland Yard. He had a brash manner, was often dismissive to others amongst other qualities that have gotten him criticism in recent days, though I would say these faults pale next to his immense intellect, his compassion—not easily seen—and his humanity. Surprising to all of you, he laughed easily, he liked to eat Chinese sometimes, he could make fun of crap telly, he took his tea black with two sugars, he dressed immaculately always and never left the house without a signature blue scarf. Like all of us he had his flaws, he was vulnerable, he had a past. He was my best friend.

And one more thing you likely don’t know: he isn’t dead. No, as long as I’m alive, and all of you, he hasn’t died at all. Because William Scott is still alive, and his memory lives on through the character which I will now confirm was based and rooted in him. I will also confirm here that I did indeed write the character of Arthur Conan taking inspiration from my own life. And the love shared between those two characters was as real as that between Sherlock and me.

I would also take this time to address any rumors of the personal relationship I had with Sherlock Holmes before it is misconstrued by the circus we call the modern press. In the weeks prior to his death we had begun dating. It was a healthy relationship and we did live together. In the recent days leading up to what happened I had proposed to him. In other words, we were going to get married.

 --John Watson


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock returns.

**From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** thedeadone@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** My government contact has new information

**Message:**

With your help they’ve managed to capture Moriarty and his main associates. I’ve recommended that they stand trial.

***

 **From:** thedeadone@gmail.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: My government contact has new information

**Message:**

Only took you six months. Your government contact’s yourself, so stop the act. You can try the others if you’d like. But if Moriarty should meet with a little accident (preferably fatal) on the way to England that would be fine. He’s too dangerous alive. I’d say you justify this to your conscience because of the uncountable atrocities he’s committed to people over the years, but thankfully you don’t have one.

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** thedeadone@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: My government contact has new information

**Message:**

Yesterday night he fell out of a moving train. Pity.

But what do you plan to do?

***

 **From:** thedeadone@gmail.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: My government contact has new information

**Message:**

I’m going home.

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: My confession

**Message:**

If I wasn’t dead, would you take me back?

I still have your ring,

Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: My confession

**Message:**

Sherlock…you bastard. You died you know. I watched you die. There was a funeral. And.

You don't know what you put me through.

I, um, well it took me a few days to send this reply after I saw your message. And I—well I didn’t take it well and I started and stopped it. But I've had time to think. You were worked into a corner...

But it's been six months. You couldn't have told me you were alive?

I thought about this a lot. Whether or not to even reply. But I can't live without you. So I guess that's my choice.

I don’t know whether I want to kill you or kiss you first. I’ll probably do both. You impossible…words fail me, Sherlock. And I’m a writer.

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: My confession

**Message:**

I know. I can explain. Just. John. Please. Forgive me. I want to come home. I want to come to you. I’m in such an odd state that the last two sentences were redundant.

Will you see me?

Yours still if you’ll let me,

Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: My confession

**Message:**

Yes.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock get used to each other again.

**From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** About Sherlock

**Message:**

It’s been a few weeks since he got back. I know you’ve been worried about me, but it’s been a ride, getting to know him again. Becoming us again. And it’s sort of like walking on eggshells, I barely let him out of my sight some days. Other than that a lot of it’s the same. I know I love him. We get along…and you know I don’t usually believe in this sort of meant to be nonsense, but he’s my soulmate. I believe he is. I mean what are the odds? I bet there’s lots of customer service reps at Coltech. But I ran into him. Him specifically. It just makes me think.

We both weren’t talking about the wedding. You know before he left I proposed. We were going to get married. I was a bit angry initially of course, because he didn’t tell me, but I heard his reasons, and I suppose I’ve cooled off a bit. And I understand. After he came back, we both wore the rings, but neither of us really talked about when or what the wedding was going to be or anything. Whether there was even going to be one. We were practically married anyway at that point. Why make it official?

Few days ago though he showed up at home with a check for about 140 pounds. I didn’t know what it was for, but then I remembered I had paid around that much for that printer. He finally got me a refund. We laughed so much. When I asked him why he said he wanted to keep his promise to me, and I knew what he was talking about.

We’re not the conventional sort at all. And it’s about time you met Sherlock. So if you want to be my best woman at this wedding that’d be perfect. Think about it. I will keep you away from the open bar though. There are limits.

Even if you don’t want to come down for the wedding I just wanted to let you know I’m okay now. He’s back. And we’re sorting it out. And we’re going on cases again and eventually, when I’m ready, I’m going to write more novels. Lots more novels.

Yours,

John

***

 **From:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** If you’d show up it’d be acceptable

**Message:**

There shall be a wedding. If you could stand at a respectable distance from the altar and secure the legal side of it I’ll spare you further festivities.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** amandadeaton@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** In case you might want to come

**Message:**

Never got your name the other day, but you were a big help. Sherlock gave me your email address and made a face when I suggested this but that’s just him. Don’t think too much into it. We’re having a small wedding soon. February 11th. 6 pm. The church on Northanger Rd. You should come.

Sherlock’s yelling at me that if you do come you’ll just tag it as a Willthur wedding and post it on the internet. It’s not a bad idea. That’s pretty much what it is.

\--John Watson

***

 **From:** capjwats422@yahoo.com

 **To:** sarahsawyer19@aol.com; Mrs_Martha_W_Hudson@yahoo.com; stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.inc.com; markgatiss@bbcpublishing.inc.com; harrywatsonberry@gmail.com;mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com;amandadeaton@yahoo.com;loopyhooper@aol.com;greg.lestrade@newscotlandyard.com; violet_holmes@gmail.com; holmes.siger@gmail.com; Eugeniawatson@aol.com

 **CC:** holmes.sherlock@oxford.edu.com

 **Subject:** Wedding Invitation

**Message:**

Sherlock’s in charge of sending one through the mail with the date and time and address and everything and anticipating that won’t happen I thought I’d invite you over the net.

You are all cordially invited to my wedding to my best friend, Sherlock Holmes on the eleventh of February, at six o’clock in the year of our lord two thousand and eleven. It will be on the Church on Northanger Rd. Let me know if you need help finding it. Don’t ask Sherlock, he’s like to insult you. 

Me and my dearly betrothed (he’s glaring daggers at me) would be honored by your presence. Seriously, even him. He likes to hide it (I’m going to pay for that one). How I love being in love.

Yours warmly,

John Watson

Sherlock would like to add something:

Please do not feel the need to gift chocolates, flowers or any other items of nonsensical sentimentality. Mother, this includes you.

John again:

Mrs. Holmes feel free to bring whatever you like.

Sherlock again:

Suck-up.

John again:

This email is getting so unprofessional.

Sherlock:

It started to be unprofessional when you added harrywatsonberry@gmail.com to the address list. 

John:

Actually that was my nickname for her.

Sherlock:

Why am I marrying you again?

John:

Printer. Jam. Writing. Sex.

Sherlock:

Right. Well everyone, show up if you want, but make sure it’s on time, my fiancé and I have to catch a plane to Venice.

Regards (neither particularly warm nor cool),

Sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding.

_https:www.tumblr.com/blog/consulting-doctor/post-9958839/1003.com_

_Hey guys, Amanda again :)_

_I’m walking on sunshine. I’ll just come out with it and tell you. I went to the wedding. John and Sherlock’s I mean. I’ve listed this as the Willthur wedding in the tags, specifically because John mentioned it. But otherwise I wouldn’t have. They’re not just book characters anymore. Not to me. Maybe because I was with him when he was cracking the code, and it sort of hurt me too when I heard Sherlock died anyway. And then the shock we all got when we heard he had faked his death. It’s like something out of a movie. Though it’d be better as a TV show. Speaking of TV shows, there’s going to be a TV show of the Scott novels. They cast some Barneyflump Curlyflap guy as Scott and that guy from The Office as Conan. I’ll watch it I suppose. They’re both dead ringers for Sherlock and John, could be twins. Bit eerie._

_It was a good day. The kiss at the altar was kind of short, they seem sort of private. With all that media blaze I can understand. The way Sherlock looks at John though, it’s amazing. Even more amazing when you consider how he looks at everyone else. John’s best man, who was actually a woman who wore a suit anyway, quite loudly told everyone that it was better than even her gay wedding. The quiet man with the umbrella didn’t say much, but he seemed in a hurry to go when it was over. The old woman in the front actually sobbed. John and Sherlock though, they didn’t seem to notice much besides each other at all. It was if they were the only ones in the room to each other. Though I suppose that’s what love is._

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

Stop that experiment immediately. I can hear the cat shrieking.

Your annoyed husband,

John

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

It’s science, John.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

If you’re such a scientist, fix our god damned printer.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

Have you tried turning it on and off again? I’ve been told that works.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

I hate you.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

You love me.

 ***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: No amount of shower water sound will convince me you’re actually taking a shower

**Message:**

God help me. I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From: startrekto221B@ao3.com  
> To: everyonewhoreadthis@johnlock.com  
> CC: BBC@creatingthebestseriesever.com  
> Subject: This is it :)  
> Message:  
> It's been so much fun writing this. I may even have a small sequel sometime. But for now the story ends here. Thank you all so much, and I hope you enjoyed the ride.  
> \--startrekto221B  
>   
> ***  
> 


	33. Companion Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since it's an epistolary fic, there is a lot of things that you don't SEE. So now you can :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do more later. Like the Christmas scene, and maybe the airport scene...


End file.
